(Shoop Shoop)

You know, itneverrainsinseattle made a comment on my Ain’t Too Proud To Beg post, listing “It’s In His Kiss” as a great song with awful advice.  I got a good giggle out of that, and ended up singing the song for a couple of days afterwards.  Is it really in his kiss? Can you trust his kiss more than his eyes, his sighs, his warm embrace?  Not really.  Can you trust his kiss more than the way he acts?  No, I don’t think so.  A kiss can show you how he really feels, but it can also be…just a kiss. 

I think the way he acts is really more significant than his kiss.  And I think the way he acts should be in line with what he says.  Talk is cheap.  Actions speak louder than words.

But wait, if actions speak louder than words, maybe it really is in his kiss. 

Hmm.  What do you think?  How do you know that he loves you so?  Is it in his kiss?  Or is it in something else?

 

Turkey? No Thanks.

I’ve spent many Thanksgivings alone, at least over the last six years.  Okay, so “many” may be four.  But whatever.  The point is, it doesn’t really bother me. 

What are the reasons people love Thanksgiving?  The Food.  Being with Family.  The Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Well, I’m not a huge fan of Thanksgiving food.  (Gasp!)   Turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, sweet potato pie, pecan pie – not a big fan of any of it.  I know, that’s completely sacrilegious.  Regardless, I can do without it.  I’m going to have veggie pasta today, and it’ll be yummy.  Lick my plate yummy.

Of course I would like to be with family.  But I’d like to be with them multiple times throughout the year, not just one day.   I love the idea of an “orphan Thanksgiving,” and I have often invited people in the past who have been alone.  I’ve gotten those invites, as well, and I’ve gone.  But at that point, it’s not about being with family, at least not your own.  It’s just being with people.  While I always appreciate the offer to come to someone else’s family dinner, it actually makes me feel even worse than just being by myself.  I’m uncomfortable, and I was thinking yesterday that the reason for that is because most of the people at dinner are strangers to me.  But I realized today that it’s more because everyone else at the table knows each other, and I am a complete interloper.  It’s actually harder being in a room where everyone knows each other but you know no one, than in a room where everyone knows no one. 

The Thanksgiving Day Parade.  Was it always as staged and promotional as it is today?  Actors plugging their tv shows.  Performances of Broadway numbers and Troupe Dances on the “stage”.  I simply don’t remember that from when I was a kid.   Give me the Parade of Roses any day.

Of course, the worst part of spending Thanksgiving alone is that people always ask, “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?” or “What did you do for Thanksgiving?”  And when they hear that you’re alone, they give you that pitying look, “Oh, I’m so sorry.”  Really, it’s okay.  I’m fine.

Now, Christmas?  An entirely different story.  Christmas alone totally sucks. 

(And, thank you Mr. E., for the offer to spend Thanksgiving with your family.  I do appreciate the offer, and I know I would have been welcomed.)

The Amazing Race, Episode 9

4 teams left.  Man, this season is going fast.  They always do, though. I love the show so much, I want it on all the time.  If they had an Amazing Race Channel, it would probably be enough to make me pay for extended cable again.  It satisfies my desire to see the world at the same time as it stokes it.  It feeds the craving, while making me crave more. 

It’s crack!!

Off to Prague.  I am so jealous.  Prague is definitely top 10, maybe even top 5. 

Oy.  “Prague?  Do they speak Spanish there?”  “No, it’s a country!”  You could tell the second guy was thinking, dumbass.  Yeah, pot, meet kettle.

The teams are really, really close together starting out – there’s only 22 minutes between the first team and the last team leaving the pitstop.  I don’t remember time being so tight leaving the pitstop before.

Brian and Ericka took a risk and followed some advice from people on the plane.  They were told the subway was the quickest way to get where they were going.  They took a bus to the subway, while all the other teams took cabs to their next clue.  It was a gamble to take the subway, and it didn’t pay off.  But I would have probably chosen the same option.  If a local tells you this way is quicker, then it ’s probably quicker.  …But not in this case.

Detour:  Fast or Slow.  In Fast, teams must kayak/raft a course and grab a ribbon with their next clue.  If they tip, they have to start over.  In Slow, teams have to pull themselves along a ropes course.  Hmmm….I think The Pilot and I could do either.  I’m sure the rapids were only a class II or III.  But the ropes course would definitely be easy.

The brothers did Fast, and both Megan & Cheyne and the Globetrotters did the ropes course before the brother tipped the third time.  I didn’t realize I didn’t like the brothers, or maybe it’s just that they were both being whiny b*tches tonight, but I was clapping each time they tipped over.  It was fun to watch.   They ended up switching to Slow.

Megan and Cheyne end up getting in an argument about working with the Globetrotters.  They decided to tell them what they had learned (that the tram was the quickest way to get to the next clue), since they knew the Globetrotters were going to follow them, anyways.  Then Megan got directions from a local, and Cheyne grabbed a taxi that was driving by.  They ended up taking the taxi, and Megan was upset because they had told the Globetrotters they would work with them, and she told Cheyne he was being rude.  Cheyne’s take:  we’re in a race, they could have grabbed a taxi just as easily.  Personally, I’m on Cheyne’s side on this one.

Roadblock:  Who can remain composed under pressure?  Oooooo…..  I’ll take this one.  You have to search through the 600 seats in a theater for a miniature mandolin.  Psh.  600 seats, no problem.  Better than a football stadium, as they’ve done in past seasons.

(Damn Folgers Coffee commercial is making me cry.  The one where the guy comes home (I think from the military) and he brings his little sister a gift, and she takes the bow on the present and puts it on him and says, “You’re my gift.”)

The Brothers stole Brian & Ericka’s taxi – far worse than what Cheyne did to the Globetrotters.  I hope Karma comes back to bite them in the ass.

Prague Castle.  The largest ancient castle in the world.  Did I mention I was jealous?

Megan and Cheyne come in first, again.  They are smokin’. 

Top Three is set.  Brian & Ericka are out.  Was it because of the stolen taxi?  Maybe.  They may have had a shot if the brothers had to wait for a taxi to be called.  But, we’ll never know.

HOLY CRAP!!!!  ANOTHER NON-ELIMINATION LEG!!  BRIAN & ERICKA HAVE BEEN SAVED! 

I totally did not see that coming.  AWESOME!

Can’t wait for next week! 

Another Life

I used to have a whole other life.  A life I kind of miss sometimes.  Especially on nights like tonight, when I’ve had a glass (ok, two) of wine and taken a trip down memory lane via an old friends website.  I don’t wish I could go back, not really, but I do fondly remember the good times. 

Anyone who knew me before, or knows me now, would never figure me for that life.  I spent almost every weekend camping in the backwoods, sleeping on either the ground or in the back of a pickup truck (and, a couple of times, even in the passenger seat of said pickup truck).  I would take a shower Friday morning, go to work, leave right after work, and not take another shower (or use indoor plumbing of any kind) until Sunday night (did I mention it was usually 95 degrees in the shade?).  I would climb all weekend long, until my arms and hands and legs and feet ached.  I would go to work Monday morning with scratches and bruises all over my body, cracked nails, and a big smile on my face, because it was so much fun.

To answer your question, yes, there was a man involved.  I probably never would have done that, every weekend, if it weren’t for a man.  But it’s not that I did it for him.  Although, of course I did, because he and I never would have worked if I hadn’t.  But I actually did enjoy it for a time, and I really did have fun.  I still liked indoor plumbing, but I put up with not having it, because I had such a great time.

Then things changed.  They always change, don’t they?  It stopped being fun, and started being a chore.  It stopped being about going out and having a good time with friends, and became about how much more you could do, how much better you could do it.

There were other factors.  A move halfway across the country with a man I had known for six months.  An accident along the way that changed said man.  A very lonely existence in a new place, with no family, no friends, and a man who wasn’t the same, a man who was angry at himself and shut the rest of the world, and me, out.

Is it any wonder it didn’t last? 

I mean, there are so many reasons:

• The person I was, the person I really was, was not what he wanted in a girlfriend.  That’s not to say I was faking anything, or pretending to be something I wasn’t.  But he introduced me to a whole new world, a different world, and I threw myself into, excited about the possibilities.  I was willing to explore, willing to see what it had to offer, and in the end, found it wasn’t really me.  I didn’t know that at the beginning, though.  I discovered who I was at the same time he discovered who I was.  
• The accident he was in, it was a horrible accident, but he walked away.  He had some injuries, of course, injuries that didn’t allow him to pursue his passion.  He had moved specifically to be closer to that passion, could see it out his window (literally), but couldn’t do anything about it.  He…was not the same man I knew before.  And I tried to be understanding, I truly believe I did my best, but after a while, I lost my patience.  “You rolled your car doing 70mph.  It flipped ten times.  You walked away.”  His response:  “It would have been better if I had died.”  It’s hard to live with that.  And by that, I mean that person, that mentality.  It takes a toll. 
• I was so alone.  So very alone.  I had left everyone, everything, I knew, moved 1200 miles away, with no job.  He was all I had.  But he was gone.  We engaged in almost  a reverse tug-of-war:  I clung, he withdrew.  I clung more, he withdrew.  I clung harder, he withdrew.  I never felt (and I still don’t feel) as if he really ever appreciated what I was going through.  I was drowning in a pool of loneliness, and his own self-loathing just helped to weigh me down.  I was unemployed for four months, sending out 15 resumes a day, and I think he didn’t believe I was really trying. 
• We had seriously differing views when it came to money.  They say more marriages break up over finances, and I believe it.  I was raised to be money-conscious, but that it was okay to splurge on occasion.  He was (I’m sorry, there’s no nice way to put this, and besides, he would tell you himself) cheap.  Really, the warning signs were there on our first date, when the manager of the restaurant came out to make sure everything was okay, because he had only tipped 3%.  I just refused to read the warning signs…and started carrying small bills and laying them on the table when he turned his back.
• I stopped climbing.  He urged me to continue, encouraged me to go out and have fun, but it was hard to leave him behind, knowing that it was more his life than mine.  I felt so guilty every time I did it.  And on top of that, I found out that I really enjoyed climbing with him – not with just anyone.  I trusted him, we worked well together, and the comfort level, the joy, wasn’t present without him.  I didn’t enjoy climbing without him, and (ironically) I didn’t enjoy him without climbing.

He’s a wonderful man, a wonderful person, and the more distance I get from that situation, the more I believe that.  We just weren’t right.  There were so many signs pointing to it, but you don’t see those until afterwards.  I was too happy, too in love, too sure that this was it and he was the one and we would live happily ever after forever and ever. 

I hate him just a little bit, for different reasons.  But most of the time, when I think of him, I smile.  He taught me so much, and was such a willing teacher, so excited to share information and make everyone around him a little bit better.  But he was never superior about it.  He would teach you something, and then turn around and praise you for figuring out something so difficult.  “But you taught me that,” I would say.  He would smile, shrug, and say, “I just gave you a couple of pointers.”

Mostly, I thank him when I think of him.  Because (and I know this without a doubt) I would not be HERE  if it weren’t for him.  I would not live where I live, have the friends that I have, have the life that I live, if I hadn’t moved with him.  He took me 1200 miles away, so I could move another 2200 miles. 

You have a special place in my heart, Spiderman. 

           

       

Ain’t Too Proud To Beg

You know the song, right? “I know you wanna leave me, but I refuse to let you go. If I have to beg and plead for your sympathy, I don’t mind coz’ you mean that much to me. Ain’t too proud to beg, sweet darling, Please don’t leave me girl, don’t you go.”

Great song. I love that song. You hear it, and you can’t help but sing along. Gotta love the Temptations! They were, after all, the first “’boy band.”

But…..

If you’re in a relationship with someone, should you beg them to stay if you know they want out? If they stay, won’t that just postpone the inevitable demise of the relationship?

Or is begging supposed to by a way to show how much you truly care? If the other person is thinking about leaving because they think you don’t care about them, then I guess begging would work.

I think I prefer the advice in “Leave the Pieces” by the Wreckers. “It’s all right, I’ll be fine, don’t worry ‘bout this heart of mine, just take your love and hit the road. There’s nothing you can do or say, You’re gonna break my heart, anyway, So just leave the pieces when you go.”

It’s almost painful in it’s honesty.

Ooo, this opens up a whole new avenue for me. I might after to start blogging about the relationship advice in songs. Won’t that be fun?

For your enjoyment:

       

Stuff Happens

I think too much. About everything. I’m a worrier.

Eight or nine years ago, I was doing laundry, not thinking anything of it, when the drain hose jumped out of the wall and all however many gallons of water started emptying out on the floor. Since then, I worry about the hose jumping out again – even though it’s zip-tied to the water line and it couldn’t possibly jump. I won’t leave the house if the washing machine is running.

I’ve heard horror stories about the dryer causing a fire. I won’t leave the dryer on if I leave the house.

I have a space heater in the bathroom, set on a timer to turn on early in the morning to warm the room up. I am terrified of it causing some sort of fire.

Now, I’m adding to my irrational household fears with this new dishwasher. I was completely oblivious to how dishwashers worked until this weekend. They just filled with water and drained, and I didn’t think about it. But now, now that I’ve seen where the water and drain hoses are, I’m terrified of one of them springing a leak. Even though we tested it, and everything worked fine. I wish the plate at the bottom of the dishwasher was one-hinged, so you could flip it up and look under at any time without unscrewing it. Because Sunday night, I turned it on, and I stood there, telling myself not to go get a screwdriver, that I didn’t need to check the hoses for leaks. I argued with myself for ten minutes! I’m sure that will happen next time I run it, as well.

I’ve recently become worried about things such as falling in the shower, because I don’t know how long it will be until someone finds my dead, naked body, the water still running. On the plus side, if I do fall in the shower and die, my cat won’t want to get wet to eat me.

Wow. And with that last sentence, I realize how completely irrational I am. I mean, I knew it before, but that sealed the deal.

When did I get like this? Is it a mortality thing? Like, when you’re a kid you have no fear of death, but as you get older you realize all the things that could happen? But I still like roller coasters, and adventure sports, and other things that other people are scared of. In fact, I would rather be the first one to try a brand new roller coaster than leave the dryer on when I’m not home. What does that say about me? I’m a complete nutcase!!!

I have a new dishwasher!

I think the dishwasher I’ve had is the original in the condo.  It was built in 1985.  The dishwasher is officially an antique.

I bought the new one last Monday, and The Pilot had some time on Friday to pick it up and bring it home.  We didn’t get to hook it up, though.

Saturday I was able to disconnect the electrical and water lines, and pull the old dishwasher out of the hole a little bit (thanks to monkeysee), but I couldn’t get the darn drain hose off the garbage disposal, so I had to wait for reinforcements.

  

The reinforcements weren’t able to disconnect the hose, either (which made me feel a little better), so we ended up cutting the hose. Got the old dishwasher out, the new one in, checked it for leaks, and…

    

Isn’t it pretty?

Now, as if I couldn’t wait to get a new range already, I really can’t wait to get one now. The new dishwasher just makes me hate the old range so much more than I already did.

 

The Amazing Race, Episode 8

5 teams remain.  Who will be eliminated…NEXT?

Stockholm, Sweden.  Birthplace of “Super Group Abba.” 

Off to Estonia.  Huh – I don’t know much about Estonia.  There’s a “Brotherhood of the Blackheads” there.  Now you know.  And the two hour head start the globetrotters had are completely negated by a 12 hour wait for a ferry.  Yikes.  And a 16 hour ferry trip.  Double Yikes!

Roadblock:  (I hate it when they describe the roadblock before giving the “hint” that the racers get.  How am I supposed to say who would take it if we were on the race?  ”Who can solve a menial mystery?”  I need to do a roadblock, so I’ll do it.

The Brotherhood of the Blackheads is a secret society of merchants that has existed for at least 600 years.  The roadblock person must descend to the cellar, find a candelabra, find a room, and find the invisible clue on a scroll. 

Gary & Matt need to do a speed bump – but they’re not super far behind anyone, so it’s not that bad.  And they need to take a 5 minute sauna.  Kind of a silly speed bump, I think.  Although – a sauna bus?  Is that kind of like a relaxi-taxi?  And Matt was sitting next to this beautiful woman, dressed in nothing but a towel.  I think he enjoyed it a little.

And then…Matt doesn’t know what a candelabra is.  Ah, he’s pretty.

Detour:  Serve or Sling.  In Serve, teams play volleyball in a bog.  In Sling, teams use a sling shot to fire veggies at a target.  Hmm – I think Sling.

Poor Matt & Gary – it’s just one mistake after another.  I dont have high hopes.

For some reason, the brothers had their groin areas blurred out – are they flashing everyone????  One brother was wearing his boxer briefs, so I could see if maybe there was a peek through the hole.  But the other brother was wearing khaki shorts!  Seriously, what were they blurring?!

Okay the Globetrotters were getting on my nerves all episode, and it was getting worse and worse.  Then “Elbow-Gate” happened.  The brothers were running for the pit stop.  The Globetrotters were behind them.  They were on this boardwalk, and the Globetrotters tried to outrun the brothers, and something happened where one of the Globetrotters and one of the brothers went down.  The Globetrotter said the brother threw an elbow.  The brother said he didn’t.  I watched it in slo-mo, and I gotta say – I don’t see an elbow.  Then the bigger Globetrotter says, “I’m 6′10″, 260, so….”  Kind of sounds like a threat.  I don’t like it. 

Father and Son are eliminated, thanks to a lot of mistakes, I think.  I don’t think the speed bump did anything, as there was still a team at the Roadblock when they got there.  They could have pulled it out.  And Matt will never forget what a candelabra is, ever again.

Next week, on TAR – Prague!  And the beauty queen is going for the jugular!

Insane? Or something else?

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

I would like to think I’m not insane. I certainly do the same thing over and over again, but I don’t really expect different results.

But I hope for them.

I guess that makes me an eternal optimist?

Back to School

I’ve been seriously considering taking a class at the local community college next semester.  Not for credit, not to go towards a degree, just for fun.  A class that I find interesting, and fun, and enlightening.  Now I just have to decide which class to take, because I have a list of about 10 that I think would be interesting.

I found this post:  100 Totally Fun and Weird College Courses you can take online for free.  Offerings include:

• Magic, Witchcraft and the Spirit World, offered by MIT. 
• Creole Language and Culture, from Notre Dame.
• Physics of Rock Climbing, MIT.
• Kitchen Chemistry, MIT.  (I listed that one specifically for the two Jen’s!)
• Nine Lessons Learned About Creativity at Google, offered by Stanford.
• Eat Well for Less, Oregon State.
• The Dark Age, UMass Boston.  (I might have to take this one – I love studying The Middle Ages.)

There are some well-known and prestigious universities – just think, you could tell people you were taking classes at MIT or UC Berkley.  How much fun would that be?

I love classes that make learning fun.  If it’s fun, if you enjoy it, then you’re more likely to care about learning.  That’s one of the problems with the public school system in general, I think.  Learning isn’t fun, so kids don’t want to learn.  They study the basics, enough to pass the all-important tests, but it’s not retained for future use.

My favorite college professor was Dr. Hodges.  She was so enthusiastic about her subject, and she was always having so much fun when she lectured, that you couldn’t help but be drawn in.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she also had a theatre background, because she knew how to hold your attention, even in an auditorium with 100+ students.  I will never forget one lecture in particular, when she was talking about the “bathrooms” in medieval castles.  She drew it out on a transparency, told us how it worked, and said, “Isn’t that the coolest thing ever?”  And it kind of was, because she thought it was so cool.