Finding yourself in random pictures online

Come on, we’ve all done it. Admit it. You’ve googled an ex. You may have done it because you still have feelings for them. You may have done it out of curiosity. You may have done it out of boredom. But you’ve done it.

My ex, henceforth to be called MountainMan, actually played a huge role in my life. I can say, without a doubt, that my life would be completely different if it hadn’t been for him. I mean, radically different. Because he’s the reason I moved to Colorado. If I hadn’t moved to Colorado, I wouldn’t have moved to Charlotte. If I hadn’t moved to Charlotte, I would not have the friends I have, or have met The Pilot. I likely wouldn’t have this blog. So, really, I should seek out MountainMan just to thank him.

We didn’t end on bad terms. We just…ended. And after I moved to Charlotte, we lost touch. There were no hard feelings, I don’t think, on either of our sides. Although I was ridiculously unhappy in Denver, and I put a lot of the blame on him, in the end, regardless of anything else, we were not right for each other. Period, end of story. We would never have lasted.

But he was a really great guy, and I learned a lot from him. He was always ready and willing to patiently explain anything to anyone, not in an effort to make himself look smarter, but in an effort to truly better the people around him and impart knowledge. He had his issues, as we all do, but he was always seeing the potential in others.

So, anyway, I was bored, and curious, and googled MountainMan. I’ve tried finding him before with no luck, but…you never know. I ended up running across this report of a hiking trip, in which he was mentioned. The guy who had written it was a friend of his, Cookies, and, lo and behold, Cookies has a website. So I went over to the website, trying to see if I could find out more information.

I found a write up of a hike MountainMan and Cookies went on in 2006, and Cookies mentioned MountainMan’s girlfriend. It kind of stopped me short, which I think is odd. It’s not like I have any sort of romantic feelings for MountainMan, or that I’m jealous. I think it’s just that, in my mind, his life was static. It’s been almost 6 years since we broke up, and almost 5 since I’ve talked to him, so of course he’s moved on – I never really doubted it. But in my head, he was a solo individual. It’s like, when you know a baby until it’s 2, and then you don’t see it again for 6 years – in your head, it’s still 2. But it’s not. That’s kind of how I feel about reading about MountainMan and his girlfriend.

Also while on Cookies’ website, I saw some pictures of MountainMan. There was one of him with a group of people, and suddenly, I realized that I was in that picture. So were three of my friends. I’m looking at this picture, and I’m like, When and Where the hell was this taken??

So, there you go, random photo of me floating around on the web.

I really would love to get back in touch with him, see how he’s doing. I miss his wide-eyed, innocent, patient, down to earth way. He wasn’t always that way with me, but that’s how he is with the general population. Sometimes it just takes taking a step back to see it. When I think of him now, the pain and loneliness I felt is still there, the aversion to certain aspects of his personality are still there, but the fun times, the early days, they make me smile.

I think, in some ways, he made me who I am today.

We survived.

As much as I love mefi and tell everyone how fabulous it it, I’ve been rather remiss lately in not checking it myself.  So today, I typed in the url and took a gander at what they had to offer.  In the process, I found this lovely gem.

Count me firmly in the “Kids today don’t know how bad they’ve got it” category.  Seriously, I would have hated having to be a kid today.  Bike helmets?  I didn’t even wear shoes half the time.  Child seats in the back seat until they’re six?  Ha – I’m surprised I don’t have a scar on my head from where I hit the dashboard while sitting on someone’s lap in the front seat – without a seatbelt.

I’m with Vikki Smith (quoted in the article) – that which does not kill us makes us stronger.  That includes harmful chemicals, germs, bacteria, broken bones, scrapes…  I don’t like the overuse of antibacterial products, because I think that’s part of the problem.  Immunizations work because they give you a small dose of the bad stuff to make you immune – the same applies to germs. 

I also love what Chris Sully (again, quoted in the article)  had to say:  “We survived those years because we were allowed to live.  Too much effort is spent protecting us from ourselves these days that we don’t just go out and live.”

Mefi linked to another article – the “Survival Tales.”  “I played outside in the dark.”  “The slats on our cribs were too wide; our Fisher Price ‘Little People’ were clearly choking hazards…”  “I think all these rules, all this fear and propaganda, is taking a toll on American independence and creativity.  Being prudent is one thing; living in fear is something else altogether.”  Check out more of the reader comments – they’re great!

There’s a country song that sums it up quite well:  “A Different World” by Bucky Covington.  “We were born to mothers who smoke and drank – Our cribs were covered in lead-based paint – No childproof lids – No seatbelts in cars – Rode bikes with no helmets – and still here we are.”  But he’s right – it was a different world than the one we live in today.  So what happened? 

While I do think that some of the safety measures and precaution is a good (and necessary) thing, I also think people have gone way overboard, and kids have no idea what it’s like to really be a kid.  I feel so sorry for them, and I swear, should I ever have kids, I hope that I give them a little sense of what I had growing up.

Of course, they’ll probably take my kids away from me and charge me with child endangerment/neglect…

If I don’t see you, you’re not there

I am a master at avoidance.  It’s my stand-by coping mechanism.  If I don’t want to deal with something, I simply…forget it’s there.  I don’t deal with it.  Simple.  Easy. 

Yeah…can you see problems with this?

A while back, The Pilot and I were having problems.  Scratch that – I was having problems.  While I still think that some of my issues were slightly justified, I managed to blow everything entirely out of proportion.  And the main reason was my propensity to compare our relationship with the relationships of others. 

Stupid, I know.

Since then, things have been Faboo.  And I have been avoiding certain blogs and message boards like the bloody plague.  I’ve wanted to read them, because I feel like some of the people I connected with were becoming friends, and I want to catch up with their lives.  But instead, I studiously ignore the links in my favorites.  They’re not there, I don’t see them, they don’t exist.

I’m getting closer to checking in on them.  Maybe soon. 

(Incidentally, my personal life is not the only place I practice avoidance in this way.  Bees…bees are another prime example.  If one is flying around me, I simply hold still and close my eyes.  Because, if I don’t see it, it’s not there.  It’s the same thing my cat does when he doesn’t want to acknowledge me.)

The Last Word

Last night, I watched the movie The Last Word on Netflix streaming.  It stars Wes Bentley, Winona Ryder, and Ray Romano.  “Reclusive writer Evan has created for himself a unique job:  writing suicide notes for people who are about to kill themselves.  When he unexpectedly falls for Charlotte, the sister of one of his recent clients, his whole way of life is upended.  Although Evan has a knack for the work he does, he’s understandably nervous to have others learn about his secret job – especially his new girlfriend.”

Sounds kind of morbid, doesn’t it?  When it first started, I wondered if Evan actually was a kind of personal suicide hotline – it may be, because he estimates that about 30% of his clients actually off themselves.  He has people keep a kind of diary, jotting down their thoughts, so he can write a suicide note that actually expresses who they are.  Surely, in the course of writing down their thoughts, some people must realize that things aren’t that bad, and decide against killing themselves.  He’s quite the poet – one of his clients actually won an award for his work – posthumously, of course. 

You can tell Evan is a very lonely person, doesn’t get out much, doesn’t have friends.  As he says, “I’m not particularly funky.”  But Charlotte pulls him into the world, and he begins to question his work.

The movie was pretty okay.  Not fabulous – although I thought the ending was particularly great.  Something a lot of people can relate to.  So, check it out, if you’re so inclined.

Whew!

I’ve been busy busy busy since last Wednesday, and I had Thursday and Friday off work.

I left work Wednesday, ran home to pack an overnight bag, then headed up to my friend’s house for dinner and to make some margaritas for the weekend.  Then left there and headed over to The Pilot’s house. 

Got up Thursday morning, helped The Pilot out around the house, then we went out to his hangar to go flying.  Unfortunately, a dead battery prevented us from getting up off the ground, so we went to see a movie instead.  After the movie we went and had some drinks and played trivia, then headed back to his place. 

Friday we got up, did a few more things around his house, went and had lunch, then it was time for him to get ready to leave again.  It was a great couple of days, spending time with him, and I was glad I got to help him get caught up a little bit. 

I left his house, drove back to mine, unpacked my bag and then repacked it with things for the weekend, and an hour later I was headed up to the lake for the big Girl’s Weekend.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get as much fun and sun as the other girls, because I ended up working a trade show from 10-3 on Saturday.  A very hot, sweaty, unproductive trade show.  But, I did get to take a big (and free) flower arrangement home from the show, courtesy of The Rose Petal.  They were going to be getting rid of it, and I mentioned the Girl’s Weekend, so they let me take it home.  Awfully nice of them, don’t you think?

Just got back to my place, still need to shower, but I wanted to check my email first.  Plus, I thought I’d get a blog post in. 

Hope everyone else had a good weekend!  And, I must say, I LOVE having days off during the week!!   And I really love 4 day weekends!!

Joining in the Reindeer Games

I went to a cookout over the weekend with some friends.  They brought their husbands, and the other non-married girl in the group brought her spanking new boyfriend.  She was introducing him around, and he was talking to everyone, and everyone loved him.

And it made me very sad, because I very rarely get to take The Pilot to group events like this and introduce him around.

Let me be clear – I wasn’t sad because I didn’t get the experience.  It made me sad because he doesn’t get the experience, and they (my friends) don’t get the experience.   Because The Pilot is an awesome human being, and my friends would love him.  But, while he has met some of my friends, most of them he’s only met once, and they haven’t really gotten to know him.

He doesn’t get to “play” like “normal” Americans do, since almost everything is done on the weekends.  He doesn’t get to go to the picnics, the pool parties, the movie nights, the dinners.  And it makes me very sad that he doesn’t get to do these things.  To me, it seems very isolating.  When he is home, especially these days, he doesn’t have enough time for everything.  He has so much to do, and tries to fit so many things in, and he wears himself out.  And I know it’s hard on him.  I try to be understanding, and I think I succeed most of the time.  I just wish I could make things easier for him.  I wish I could take some of the exhaustion from him, make everything better.

The Turkey Baster Story

Since I regaled my co-workers (and boss, by accident) with this story last week, I thought I’d share.

I changed up my no ‘poo regimen again. I started adding more water to the baking soda, making it less a paste and very much a liquid, and I will say I like it better. Except trying to pour that liquid-y of a substance on your hair in the shower and get enough in your hair to make a difference but not get it in your eyes or waste it is quite…difficult. I’ve been using a little glass dish I have, about 3 inches tall and 2 ½” in diameter, and it hasn’t been easy.

I was trying to come up with an alternative, and I thought about those picnic ketchup and mustard bottles. I wanted something that was squeezable, with a small opening at the top, but when you took the top off, had a large enough opening to put the baking soda in without resorting to a funnel. Remember, I’m doing this in the morning while in the shower, so time and efficiency is of the essence. And, really, how many kitchen supplies should a girl have in her shower? Anyway, I thought a ketchup bottle would be great, except that it’s much bigger than I wanted – I wanted something about half the size. I wandered around Target one day, looking for a suitable substitute, but really couldn’t find much. I thought of using the travel size bottles they sell, but that wasn’t going to be quite big enough. I kept looking at sippy cups, but couldn’t find one that was squeezable. I thought about using a sport water bottle, but the top of that is so small that I would need to use a funnel, so I ruled that out.

Really, I thought, I could continue to use the little cup I already have in the shower, and use a turkey baster with it.

But, then I would have a turkey baster in my shower. And that just seems wrong. Not to mention what other people would think when they saw it! No, no, that was going to be a last resort.

I finally found something similar to the ketchup bottle I had in mind – a little smaller, clear plastic – I think it’s often used for olive oil. So I tried it out over the weekend, and I think it worked out really well, actually. And I’m glad, because now I don’t have to resort to the turkey baster. (I just keep imagining The Pilot’s reaction to pulling back the shower curtain and finding a turkey baster on the edge of the tub. I see him picking it up, looking at it, turning it over, and then giving me this knowing smile, like “uh, huh…I wonder what you’re doing with this – wink, nudge.” And me trying to explain that, no, no it’s for my hair, really….)

Because the more you explain, the guiltier you look.

Today’s Highlight Reel

Thank god they’re not Americans – almost 70% of Britons can’t correctly identify the size and placement of the lungs in the human body.

I’m so glad this dangerous criminalis off the street!! Zoinks!  An amusement park employee is arrested for helping someone win a stuffed animal!  I’m so scared! 

I saw a bumper sticker over the weekend: “Annoy a liberal – Work – Succeed – Be Happy.”  Well, I know a lot of liberals. They work. They succeed. They’re immensely happy. And other people doing those things do not annoy them. Just because a person is a liberal does not mean they live off welfare and expect the government to pay for everything.

Worst of Craigslist

I’ve always been a huge fan of Craigslist. When I lived in Denver, I met several social groups, sold furniture, and even had a couple of dates. Here in Charlotte, I met some of my best friends through Craigslist. I’ve met people from San Francisco who had bought furniture, sold furniture, got an apartment, got a job, met their husband, and found their best friend on Craigslist. It was a great resource, especially for people new to a city.

And then it got bigger and more people found out about it. And I never log on anymore, because instead of finding cool social groups, it’s just get-rich-quick ads. Furniture can still sometimes be found for a deal, but you have to worry about the honesty of the person coming to your house to pick it up. And forget the personals section – SCARY.

Last year I was selling a couple of items via Craigslist. I had an email conversation with one man, and he said he would come pick it up, and then proceeded to verify my address. Note I said verify, and not ask for. He said he had googled my name and found my address. Yes, indeed, I freaked. He ended up not being able to buy the furniture, and for about a month I was worried I would be robbed by this guy. After that, I set up a fake email address with a fake name that I used.

I mourn for what was.

Yes, the world (and the internet) can be a scary place. And yes, people can take advantage of you. But if people would just use some common sense, the worst would rarely occur. And if people would stop taking advantage of other people’s trust and honesty, the worst would never occur. (I know, I live in a dream world.)  Craigslist has been the misused over the last few years, used as an aid to help people commit unspeakable crimes.  But it’s not a problem with Craigslist.  It’s a problem with sick people.  Sick people will do sick things, using any means they have available to them.  An online dating website.  A classified ad in a newspaper.  A drive past a person’s house. 

So forget blaming the website, or the people who run it.  Arm yourself with common sense.

It could be worse

I get five weeks (25 days) of time off each year.  That includes vacation, sick time, personal days, etc.  Last year it was four weeks, but when I hit the 5 year mark with the company, I got an extra week. 

20 days is about average, at least in my experience.  In past jobs, I’ve usually had 2 weeks (10 days) vacation, plus  5 sick days, plus 3 personal days, plus some “non-premium” holidays, such as MLK or Columbus Day or the day after Thanksgiving.  So, my 20 days last year was about average, considering I only get 6 major holidays – and that does not include the Friday after Thanksgiving, which kind of sucks. 

Today, all full time employees got an additional 5 days off.  Without pay.  They’re reducing our hourly wage by 10% across a ten week span, then it will go back to normal.  In return, we get 5 days (40 hours) of extra “vacation.”  These days have to be used in the same ten week period.

I worked it out, and it’s essentially a 4.5% pay cut for the year.  It sucks, but it’s not awful.  It’s not a 10% pay cut, period.  It’s not a layoff.  The money I will be losing was just the right amount to pay off my Lasik surgery, which sucks, but, what can you do. 

I’m still making more than I was a year ago.  I still have a job.  And I get a total of six weeks of vacation this year.

It could be worse.  I know.  And I’m not complaining.