Tag Archives: sex

A variety of questions on OkCupid

As I mentioned in my last post, I joined OkCupid, mostly because I was impressed by the algorithms and correlations they came up with on their blog.  They’re not afraid of being politically incorrect or offending people, because all they’re doing is running the numbers, so to speak, on information that users provide (their latest blog post is titled, “What if there weren’t so many white people?”).  They aren’t drawing conclusions, just pointing out trends.  And some of the trends are interesting.  I highly recommend following the OKTrends blog, whether you’re single or not.  I guarantee you’ll find it fascinating, especially if you’re scientifically minded.

So, yes, I signed up for OkCupid, loaded a couple of pictures, filled out the profile, which includes fun pieces like, “I’m really good at…” “The six thing I could never do without…” and “The most private thing I’m willing to admit…(I shower naked).”  You give your details, obviously – height, body type (which is far more varied than match, which I appreciate), education level, etc.

Then they have these questions.  They’re all user submitted, so the list is growing all the time, and I have no idea how many there are in total.  The question is presented, you are given several answers to choose from (you can only choose one), you can choose which answers you’ll accept from your match (you can choose multiple), and then you rate how relevant or important it is that they answer the question the way you want them to.  You can also add an explanation.

Example:

Q: Are you a vegetarian or a vegan?

A: Yes/No (you can only choose one)

Answers I’ll accept: Yes/No (you can choose one or both)

This question is: Irrelevant/A little important/Somewhat important/Very important/Mandatory (choose one)

Explanation: I tend to eat primarily vegetarian at home, but it’s not a conscious effort.

The questions can be really fun.  There are political questions (Is contraception morally wrong?  Which is more offensive, book burning or flag burning?  To you, is abortion an option in case of an unwanted or accidental pregnancy?), religious questions (How important is religion/God in your life?  Would you date an atheist? How do you feel about Scientology?), drug-related questions (Would you date someone if you knew they were a current drug user?  Do you think drug use with your partner can be a romantic activity?  Would you consider dating someone who grows marijuana for their own personal use?), drinking-related questions (Do you ever feel the need to get really drunk?  On average, which best describes how often you GET DRUNK?), dating questions (How much can intelligence turn you on?  What’s worse on a first date, no physical attraction or nothing to talk about?  Would you ideally like to be married in the next 3 years?), intelligence questions (Which is bigger, the earth or the sun?  If the price of an apple was raised 50% and then decreased 50%, making it cost $0.75, how much was the original price?  What is next in the series 1, 4, 10, 19, 31…), lifestyle related questions (Are you happy with your life?  How often do you tweet?  Are you an aspiring actor/artist/writer or other creative type?).

And sex questions.  Lots of sex questions.  Do you enjoy meaningless sex?  Would you consider performing anilingus on a partner who asked you to?  Would you consider meeting 2 people online, then arranging a threesome?  Do you enjoy giving oral sex?  Would you be disappointed if your significant other doesn’t want to receive oral sex ever?  Would you allow your partner to kiss you after performing oral sex on you?  Is your ideal sex rough or gentle?

And my all-time favorite question:  Do you know what sperm tastes like?

Here’s the interesting part.  As I said, you can answer what you want, when you want.  But, based on your answers, they do a personality profile, measured against the average of your demographic.  “You might be…more/less conventionally moral.  More/less old-fashioned.  More/less compassionate.  More/less kind.  More/less independent.  More/less spiritual.  More/less sex driven.  More/less kinky.”  And, as you might imagine, if you don’t answer the sex questions, they rank you as less kinky and less sex-driven.  But what if that’s not the case?

You can answer the questions privately.  Although, some of those questions I’m still not going to answer…

Then there are the tests.  Over 43,000 tests, actually.  Your Sesame Street Persona Test.  The Director Who Films Your Life Test.  The Which LOLCat Are You Test.  The How Low Are Your Sex Standards Test.  The If You Were a Beer Test (I’m a Guinness – as if there were any doubt).

It’s fun.  It keeps things fresh (says the girl who’s been on there for less than 3 weeks).  It’s different.  It’s free.

So, what is the quality of men on there?

Stay tuned.  😉

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Algorithmic Dating

I’ve done plenty of online dating.  I’ve paid for match.com three times (twice using the 6-month guarantee, for a total of 30 months), for eHarmony once (for a six month period), and for chemistry.com once (for only a month).  In case you can’t do the math on your own, I’ve been on an online dating site for a total of over three years of the past six.  Out of that, I’ve had two major relationships, two minor ones, and a bunch of “three dates, you’re out” flings.

My last match subscription ended at the end of February, and I vowed that I was giving up.  On online dating, on dating, on life.  I thought, You know what?  I’m just going to be alone for the rest of my life, that’s just how it’s gonna be, and there’s nothing I can do about it. (Yes, I was in a fairly depressed state.)

But then, the next day, I got my optimism back and started thinking that I needed a fresh start.  (This is one of the reasons I sometimes wonder, half-jokingly, if I’m bipolar.)  I’ve been on match for far too long, and I’m giving up on it.  I was not impressed with Chemistry.com.  I had liked my time on eHarmony, though, so figured I’d give that a go.  Except, do you know how expensive it is?  And did I mention I don’t have a job?

I’ve always been against free dating sites, my thought being that you get what you pay for.  Also, I had pretty much assumed that sites like Plenty of Fish and OkCupid were mainly “hook up” sites, and that’s not what I was in the market for.  But one day in early February I stumbled across an interesting blog post over at the OKCupid Blog:  The Best Questions for a First Date. The people over at OKC wanted to know, “What questions are easy to bring up [on a first date], yet correlate to the deeper, unspeakable, issues people actually care about?”  Turns out, if you want to know if you’re date puts out on the first date, ask her if she likes the taste of beer.  If you want to know what they’re political leanings are, ask if they like simple or complex people.  And if you want to know how religious your date is, ask how much spelling and grammar mistakes annoy them.

I laughed when I first read the article, but I was impressed with the vast amount of statistics and algorithms OKC used to come up with the correlations.  I started reading some other blog posts that they did, and became fascinated.  The Mathematics of Beauty looked at the messages received by women vs. measured attractiveness.  They found that iPhone users have more sex, and that generally the more attractive a picture is, the more likely it is to be out of date. They found that “the MySpace shot is the single most effective photo type for women,” and that man should flaunt their chest and abs if they’ve got them.

You see, OKC gets all this information from a vast collection of questions that users are encouraged (but not required) to answer.  You can answer all of them, or ten of them, or none of them, it’s up to the user.  But, the more answers you provide, the more OKC will know about you as they try to match you with someone.  And, as you’re looking at people’s profiles, you can compare their answers to yours, getting a good feel for the person’s politics, outlook on life, intelligence, and sexual attitude.  You can see what they’re looking for out of life and in a partner.

So it’s kind of like a mesh between eHarmony (with the questions and the matching), and match.com (with the ability to search).

And I know this because I joined.

Stay tuned for a run down on some of the more interesting questions, and for my experience so far.

How to be happy – a sidenote (via Today I’m happy…)

One of my goals this year is finding happiness in every day, and as part of that, I’m also providing some research, articles, thoughts, etc, on how to be happy on my other blog, DelightfullyHappy. Here is a post from yesterday, a recap of the Oprah show on happiness.

How to be happy - a sidenote What does it take to be happy?  Love?  Kids?  A good job?  Money?  Does what you do for a living make a difference?  What about where you live? This blog was started as a way to recognize happiness in every day, but I also intended to share snippets of wisdom, articles, and book reviews.  Today is the first of those “sidenotes.” Today, Oprah had Goldie Hawn on the show, and they were talking happiness.  It turned out to be a good all-around happi … Read More

via Today I’m happy…

“Single, Female, Mormon, Alone”

Okay, so I’m only three of the four.

This article is about a Mormon woman who ended up 35 and single (also), something not very common in the Mormon religion. Being a practicing Mormon, she did not have sex before marriage, and so ended up a 35 year old virgin. The article talks about how she felt like she was half-woman half-child, and about her “rebellion.” A very interesting, touching story.

But here’s the part that struck me:

I was just never sure what my problem was. Until one man let me know. After overhearing a friend and me comparing our weekend horror-date stories, he walked up to me and asked, “You know what your problem is?”

No, I did not know what my problem was. And I was dying to find out.

“Your problem,” he said, “is you don’t need a man.”

I thought that was a good thing — to be able to take care of oneself.

He asked if I had a job.

“Yes.”

“A car?”

“Yes.”

“A house?”

“Yes.”

“Clothes?”

“Of course.”

“Food?”

“Obviously.”

“That’s your problem.”

“Excuse me?”

“Men in the church are raised to be providers. We are the breadwinners, the stewards of the household. If you have all the things we’re supposed to provide, we have nothing to give you.”

I’ve actually been told this by a male friend of mine. The fact that I am able to provide for myself and don’t “need” a man is exactly why I don’t have one. I don’t give the man an opportunity to provide for me, because I don’t need him to, and that’s why I’m single.

Well, duh! Of course I can take care of myself – I kind of have to! If I didn’t, who would?

It stuck with me, though. Is this really the issue? I don’t make a man feel needed? What should I do instead, call a man when I need the toilet fixed, jump on the couch and squeal when I see a mouse run across the floor? I do those things, it’s just that there’s no man around to witness it.

Most of the married women I know are extremely self-sufficient, and they don’t need a man, they are more than able to provide for themselves. So surely that’s not the issue.

Is it?

I would love to have a man around to do the things I can’t. But I also want a man around who appreciates what I can do.

You can get cobwebs down there, you know

Damn it, I’ve been meaning to write a blog post about this for several weeks now, and The Single Filez beat me to it! (She also wrote a post about interracial dating, which I’ve been meaning to write about…it’s like she’s reading my mind….)

I don’t know how many TV shows and movies I’ve watched where, when talking about sex, someone says they haven’t had it in a certain amount of time, and everyone else is shocked that it’s been that long.

Usually, the time period is something like 6 months.

“Oh my god, you haven’t had sex in 6 months? You can get cobwebs down there, you know!”

Really???? 6 months is a long time to go? Jeez, I’ve gone far, far longer than that before. I know I’ve gone over 2 years before, more than once, and I may have broken the three year mark in the past. Now THAT is a long time.  Might even qualify as born again.

Let’s see, it’s been right at 7 months for me this time. Do I want to “dampen the drought?” Well, of course I do. But I, like The Single Filez, have a hard time just jumping in bed with any random guy I meet. Sex means something more to me than just sex. I need an emotional connection.

That’s not to say I haven’t tried the Friends with Benefits angle before. I have. Or, at least, I’ve thought about it and gotten close to it. But when it comes down to it, I just can’t bring myself to do it. It just doesn’t feel right to me. It’s not as satisfactory as it would be with That Someone Special. Because for me, Good Sex isn’t just about (for lack of a better term) scratching that itch. It’s about the emotional release, as well, the endorphin high, and I simply can’t have that with someone I don’t at least care about in a romantic way, even if I don’t actually love that person yet.

The only exception to that, for me, is Sex with an Ex. An ex that you’re still on good terms with, you’re still friends. You know each other, “been there, done that,” but that comfort level is there, the affection. Someone you broke up with simply because you were more “friend-like,” because you loved each other, but you weren’t “in love.”

Of course, that can also backfire. If you’re so friendly you’re more like brother/sister…yeah, not so much. *shudder*

How long is your longest dry spell?

Blog post in Haiku: 

Sexual dry spell: 

When cobwebs start to grow 

in private places.

Do I LOOK like a gynecologist?

You know those completely innocent comments that end up sounding not-so-innocent?

I was with some friends the other night, and I had a question.

“I’m going to ask this question, and I know it’s going to sound odd, but there’s a reason behind it.”

Everyone paused and looked at me, eyes wide, already half-laughing in apprehension.

“Do you have a speculum-like tool I can use?”

Silence. Then, “I’ll ask. What would you need something like that for?”

“Well, I need to…” Then I thought about the words that were about to come out of my mouth, and how they would make the prior request sound even worse, and I doubled over in laughter. “I need…” Laughter. “I need…” Laughter. “I need…” Laughter.

Finally, after several minutes, I was able to compose myself just slightly. “I need to get a ball inside a rubber hose.”

See, here’s the full story. I bought a Pilates bar, which has stretchy rubber hose-like bands to create tension. Well, me being as short as I am, the bands are too long for me, so I thought I’d cut some of the length off. The bands have balls in the ends of them to stop them from coming off the bar. It seems simple enough to me to simply remove the balls from the bands (which I’ve already done), cut some length off (done), then reinsert the balls. Except, I can’t get the balls back in. So I’m trying to somehow “MacGyver” it.

I have to get the ball into this rubber hose, which requires stretching the hose wide enough to get the ball in, and getting the ball deep enough so it won’t slide back out. (And, WOW, that sounds bad.) Someone came up with the idea of greasing the ball and the hose (lubing it, if you will – might as well go all out), but my thought is, won’t it then just slip out?

Anyone have any thoughts? (Or a speculum-like tool?)

Pilates Bar

This ball needs go inside this rubber hose

So it looks like this

Who needs to know?

Elizabeth Edwards is being criticized for not telling anyone about her husband’s affair, for standing by him and choosing to stay in their 30 year marriage.

Am I the only one going, “…What?!”

Regardless of how you feel about what John Edwards did, this is still, at the root, a private matter.  He violated hertrust, much more than he violated anyone else’s.  If this were the CEO of Widgets, Inc and his wife, no one would give a shit.  The employees wouldn’t wonder if they could trust him, the stockholders wouldn’t sell off their shares because they don’t trust him.  His wife, and his wife alone, would be the only one able to forgive him his misdeed.  The only person’s trust he violated was hers, the only contract he violated was the one he had with her.

Yes, you can argue that Edwards violated The People’s trust in him as a representative of them and as a leader.  But that is something he did, not something she did.  Did she violate The People’s trust?  Absolutely not.  You can argue that he (and she) hid it from the public in order to avoid losing all political aspirations.  But consider yourself.  If your husband confided that he had an affair, and you discussed it and decided to forgive him, who would you tell?  Maybe your kids, if they were of an age that they could be told.  Maybe a few close friends, to discuss it.  A therapist, certainly.  But would you tell your husbands boss?  Or the people he manages?  Do you tell strangers on the street?  Do you take out an ad on a bulletin board to make sure the whole world knows?

Best of…

If you’re tooling around the internet, looking for something interesting, something to kill time, I highly recommend reading best of craigslist.

There’s the guy who can help get your ex-boyfriend backThe guy offering kissing lessonsSomeone’s letter to their catA letter to WinterA man’s anecdotes about his small…memberAdvice on how to get laid on craigslistSomeone is selling a Vagina Couch (with pictures – MUST SEE!!).  The confessions of a BART FartistThe person who has a mastiff with a problemThe guy looking for a dead deerA rant about port a pottiesConfessions of a Denver escortA note to the dogsA letter to the guy masturbating in the bathroom.  And one of my all time favorites, 143 reasons I will be the best girlfriend ever.

You know what I hate?

Shaving my legs (and other bits) and wearing sexy panties, all for nothing.

Maybe it’s like that guy Miranda went out with in Sex and the City, the “He’s just not into you” episode – maybe he had diarrhea.  Here’s hoping.

What are YOU looking for?

I’ve said it before – you can find pretty much anything on the internet.  What EVER did we do without it?  How did we survive?  I know we did – I can remember not having the internet.  But HOW? 

Open up a new internet window.  Go to google.  Type in the following phrases:

online dating statistics scary
rate my dating profile
play a country song backwards (you have to scroll down a bit for this one)
    
I’ve had the most views (18) with the search term “online dating statistics” 
10 views for “diamond the rapper” 
7 for “when you play a country song backwards” 
6 for “weight watchers sweet potato soup” 
5 for “wide condoms”
3 for “chocolate blender pie”
2 for “1994 senior prom music”
1 for “what do you think of your parents?+ipod”

My most popular post so far, in terms of views, is “More scary statistics about online dating,” with 108 views.  Other top posts, in order, are:

What do you get when you play a country song backwards? – 68 views
My rapper name is Diamond Love – 66 views
3 strikes, you’re out – 38 views
Rate my Dating Profile- PLEASE! – 32 views
The Wide World of Condoms – 31 views
Text sex on a first date? – 25 views

So my question is…who the hell is Diamond, the rapper?  Excuse me, I must go google…