Tag Archives: sadness

Identity Loss?

I have some crazy a$$ dreams, just ask anyone. And I remember quite a bit of detail most of the time (see also, this post). I have a dream dictionary, and while I don’t take the dream interpretation to the bank, I certainly put some stock into the symbols.

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you wake up sad? Like, you are literally crying when you wake up, and it takes you a while to snap out of the sadness? I’m having one of those mornings.

I had this dream that me and a couple of my friends were staying at my parents house. When I woke up (in the dream), my mom and my friend geauxgirl were scurrying around the room, putting things away, getting ready for the day. My mom left, and geauxgirl was griping about her husband, how they had already had breakfast at the house, then they went to this diner and he ordered this whole second breakfast. I got up and went into the kitchen, where my mom was mixing something in a mixing bowl. “Whatcha doin? What’s going on today?” I asked. She said, “Making a cake.” I waited a few seconds and said, “Aaaand?” “And what?” she asked. “And what’s going on today?” I was trying to figure out what to wear.

Silence. She didn’t reply. I sighed and gave up. I saw that my friend was wearing gray slacks, just like a pair I have, so I figured I would wear mine, since it looked like we were doing something a little nicer than jeans. I went back into the bedroom to get clothes and toiletries so I could shower and get ready.

And there was nothing left in the room. All of my stuff had been removed. And now, I could tell that there were guests in the house, and all I was wearing was a robe.

I was incredibly pissed, like, “what the hell, where the hell did all my stuff go?” and I couldn’t go out to ask because of the company, and I was so mad. I started spelling out all the reasons I was mad with those magnetic refrigerator letters for kids – for some reason there was a huge box of them in the room.

I woke from this dream very sad, for some reason. And it’s stayed with me. I looked up what I could in the dream dictionary. There’s a whole section on nudity, but I wasn’t naked, I had a robe on. So I looked up clothes, instead.

Clothing represents your idea of how you look to others, both your appearance and your attitude.

There was no interpretation for missing clothes, but it would be logical to take “missing” or “stolen” at face value and apply that to the clothing symbol.

Do I feel that my appearance, my attitude, how people see me, is gone?

Well, I have lost some of my identity, not working and being home all the time. So, maybe that’s where this is all coming from.

Anyone have any thoughts, insight?

“I don’t get why people get depressed during the holidays”

I was surfing the wordpress tags and I came across a post in the “life” tag.  It was all about how this person didn’t understand ads about being depressed during the holidays.  “It’s the most joyous time of the year!” she said.*  “Maybe the problem is YOU,” she said.  “Maybe you’re stressing too much, maybe you should buy one less present,” she said.  “Go listen to Frosty the Snowman, it’ll cheer you right up!” she said.  “I don’t understand how ANYONE could be depressed during the holidays,” she said.

I’m sitting here, trying to see her point of view, and I can’t.  Because it’s not about stress, or present buying, or card mailing, at least not for me, and not for most people who get “the holiday blues.”  It’s about what you envision the season should be about, and that vision not coming close to reality.  It’s about nostalgia, and loneliness, and that feeling that you absolutely must be happy because it’s the holidays, and the fact that you’re not makes you even more sad.

And I thought to myself, what is this chick, like 12?

I looked at her “About” section.  She’s 14.

So, yeah honey, give me a call in 20 years and let me know if you still don’t understand “the holiday blues.”

(*All quotes from her above are paraphrased.)