Another day, another…unemployment check

Well, I’m officially dipping into savings.  I went almost four months without having to do it, so I guess I did pretty well.  Doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.  And I’m afraid it won’t last long.

Of course, in the meantime I’ve also put about $800 on my credit card – Christmas stuff, health insurance, groupon deals, the dinner or two out when I suddenly realized I may not have enough in my account to cover it.

I’ve been fairly good about living on budget – even this month, which was a surprise.  Other than my bills, I’m living on $15/day.  That’s groceries, gas for the car, and “extras.”  I’m going to see if I can go down to $14/day in February.

I’m sure you’re thinking – $15/day?  That’s easy!  I only spend $7 on lunch each day.  But think about how much it takes to fill up the car – that’s several days worth of budget there.  And the grocery store – that’s a couple of days.  I should be spending less than that, but, hey, I was at $25/day a year ago, so I’d say I’m doing pretty well.

It sucks, though.  I’m in one of those vicious cycles, where I know I need to get out of the house more, but getting out of the house means spending money, even if it’s $2.50 for a cup of tea at Panera.  So, I stay home all day, and I’m slowly driving myself crazy.

Okay, not completely crazy.  Some days are better than others.  But I’ve had more than my fair share of alone time at this point.  If you read my How to Be Happy post, you know that the happiest people get 8 hours of social interaction a day.  On a good day, I get about two.  And that’s about once a week.  So, yeah, there are days where I can barely move I’m so depressed.  I’m working on that, though.

I know I need to start volunteering, but most places I’ve looked want a 6 month commitment, and I can’t give that.  I hope to have a job soon, in which case I won’t be available during the week.  I’ve had “Go to Humane Society” written on my to do list for several weeks now – I just can’t pull myself out of my fog to do it.  But I’ve got a volunteer thing tonight, and I’m going to start helping my friend out with her non-profit, so hopefully that will help.

In the meantime, I’m trying to get the book revised and edited.  It’s slow going, because I’m having to go back and do a lot of research.  And I’m still not sure how I want to work the ending.  But I’ll get there.  And I have another book idea in my head, and I’m dying to start that, but…one thing at a time.  I’ll never get the first one done if I start on another. I’ve done that before, and currently have two half-finished novels (not including the current one) that are just sitting there…waiting for some TLC.

I’ll get there…

In the meantime, I feel like I’m ready to start doing match.com again, to finish up my subscription, but then I worry about the money I’ll spend on going out.  It’s great if the guy pays, and a lot of the time he does, but can I afford to take the chance?  We’ll see.  And then, of course, there’s that fun “So what do you do?” question.  I hate saying I’m unemployed.  I think my new answer will be, “I’m writing a book.”

Take off your moccasins

Image via Wikipedia

One of my all time favorite movies is Charade, with Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn. In it, they have this great exchange, where Hepburn’s character is trying to determine if Grant’s character is trustworthy:

REGGIE (Hepburn): Alex, how can you tell if anyone’s lying or not?

DYLE (Grant): You can’t.

R: There must be some way.

D: There’s an old riddle about two tribes of Indians. The Whitefeet always tell the truth and the Blackfeet always lie. So one day you meet an Indian, you say, “Hey Indian, what are you, a truthful Whitefoot or a lying Blackfoot?” He says, “I’m a truthful Whitefoot.” But which is he?

R: Why couldn’t you just look at his feet?

D: Because he’s wearing moccasins.

R: Well then he’s a truthful Whitefoot, of course.

D: Why not a lying Blackfoot?

R: Which one are you?

D: A truthful Whitefoot.

Of course, you (along with Reggie) have to wonder if he is. After all, wouldn’t a lying Blackfoot say the same thing?

There’s actually a longer brain teaser (scroll down about a third of the way down the page) about lying Blackfeet and truthful Whitefeet. It involves a professor at a fork in the road trying to get to a village, and he doesn’t want to get lost, but how can he trust the answer he gets from the native in front of him?

The point is, how do you know who you can trust? And rarely are humans entirely truthful nor are there people who lie all the time, regardless of the fact that we say, “If his mouth is moving, he’s lying.” So then the questions multiply – Is he trustworthy? Is what he is saying the truth?

Can you ever really know for sure?

Are you a truthful Whitefoot or a lying Blackfoot? Take off your moccasins, please.

(I couldn’t embed video, but here’s the clip from Charade.  You can also view the movie in it’s entirety on youtube.)

Emotional Math

Lots of future posts floating around in my head right now.  I’ll organize my thoughts and get to them all sooner or later.  In the meantime, I just read a wonderful post by IzzieDarling:

• Just because … I can’t see doesn’t mean I don’t want to. Often times, we are irritated and impatient with others when we believe they are beating a dead horse, not moving fast enough, lazy, playing the victim. Guilty. Add compassion.
• Just because … you find yourself “lost” does not mean you will not be “found”. Subtract despair, multiply hope.
• Just because … you face the unknown on all fronts does not mean anything other than you may be at the doorstep of the best life you’ve ever known. Negative thinking is easy. Divide it into smithereens, erase, and add amazing possibilities to each and every half empty glass in your possession.

Read more here:  Just Because: Do the Math.

Age has nothing to do with being an adult

I recently spent the day with a friend of mine, a friend who’s been having some boy troubles.  Her boy troubles are not similar to mine, but they are.  I don’t want to get too far into her problems, because it would be a horrible betrayal of confidence, but let’s just say her “boy” doesn’t want to be monogamous, but he keeps dragging her back into this nasty little storm of his making.

So we spent the day together, shopping, going to the Farmer’s Market, having lunch, and she asks me to stay for dinner and a movie.

Image by mandyseyfang via Flickr

We were watching Lars and the Real Girl, and there’s this part where Lars asks his brother how he knew he was a man, an adult.  And his brother, Gus, says, “Well, it’s not like you’re one thing or the other, okay? There’s still a kid inside but you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what’s right for you, what’s right for everybody, even when it hurts.” Lars asks, “Okay, like what?” And Gus replies, “Like, you know, like, you don’t jerk people around, you know, and you don’t cheat on your woman, and you take care of your family, you know, and you admit when you’re wrong, or you try to, anyways. That’s all I can think of, you know – it sound like it’s easy and for some reason it’s not.”

I blinked at the TV, floored.  I started to say something, but stopped myself.  And three seconds later, my friend says, “Wow.”

You grow up when you decide to do right, not for you but for everybody else, even when it hurts.  You grow up when you don’t jerk people around, and you don’t cheat on your woman, and you take care of your family, and you admit when you’re wrong.

It sounds so simple.  But “for some reason it’s not.”

Aries! Pisces? Both! Neither?

Image via Wikipedia

Facebook was “abuzz” with the news that the zodiac sign we’ve been living with our whole lives is not correct, because the earth’s axis has rotated since the zodiac signs were named.  Friends claimed “I’m a Leo all the way” and “I’ll never be anything but a Virgo.”

I’ve always been an Aries.  Many of the Aries traits apply to me, but I’ve never felt like I was a true Aries.  I’m not as fiery, not as Out There as the Aries sign has always seemed.  So maybe I really am a Pisces.  Let’s take a look, shall we?  (All sun sign description came from about.com.)

Aries

• courageous (yeah), pioneering (eh), brilliant (well of course!), adventurous (sure), dynamic (hmm), straight-forward (sometimes)
• willful (can be), dominating (not so much), selfish (yes and no), ruthless (definitely not), insensitive (I suppose I can be, sometimes), impatient (Hell Yes)
• Aries are gifted with a direct, fiery nature that makes them one step ahead of the crowd. (?) They take charge of a situation, and their sense of certainty usually makes others fall in line. (??) This makes the Sun in Aries a born leader. (???)
• Often larger-than-life, they can light up a room with their charisma. (Really, not so much)  If a gathering is dull, they’ll quickly move on – and they’re among the ones with the stamina to party ‘til dawn. (Rarely) Aries craves excitement and their restless spirits seek out the next big thing. (Yeah, kind of)
• Aries can rise to the challenge of any battle. Sometimes they go too far and scorch those they love with hurtful words said in the heat of the moment.  (It’s been known to happen)  They quickly forgive and forget (Big Fat No), but often deal with the fall out of their brusque demeanor.
• Aries wants to achieve great things, and is propelled by an inner drive that is a force to be reckoned with.  (Not so much)  Their bright minds and ability to initiate can make them trailblazers in their careers. (eh)
• At times, the rush to action can cause them to take unnecessary risks, or forge ahead without planning out crucial details.  (no, I’m kind of a planner) Some say the Sun in Aries learns the hard way, by leaping before looking. But being an active sign, the Aries learns best through experience.  (That’s VERY true)

Pisces

• compassionate (I can be, sometimes), creative (I’d like to think so), mystical (not so much), sensitive (yes), romantic (mmhmm), dreamy (sure)
• escapist (oh yeah), lazy (yep), self-indulgent (often), overwhelmed (occasionally), impressionable (not really)
• As the last of the twelve Zodiac signs, Pisces is said to contain aspects of them all. This makes the Pisces Sun so changeable as to appear not to have one singular identity. It’s as if they’re just touching down in this human reality, and light enough to try on a few personas.  (Is this saying I have multiple personalities?)
• Pisces can be so dreamy as to seem “somewhere else” half the time. They’re tuned into the spiritual side of things, and this gives them an otherworldly air. It can seem that they’re always sensing the emotional currents that run between people, as well as those connecting us to the great beyond.  (No, no, not so much)
• The Pisces Sun leads with a compassionate heart, which can be both a blessing and a curse. Many are remarkably wise and self-sacrificing when it comes to helping the vulnerable or those down on their luck. (Not me)  But this noble trait can take them down a path of being used and abused before they learn to set strong boundaries.
• This is the sign of the mystic poet, and a creative pursuit gives Pisces the motivation to be disciplined. And bringing structure to the vast imagination and shades of emotion flowing within the Pisces nature is a great achievement. Through art, they can bring a bit of heaven down to Earth for the benefit of everyone.  (I can hope!)
• It’s important for Pisces Sun to find a sense of purpose to avoid just drifting. Their sensitivity makes them also a tad more vulnerable to escapism through addictions or personal dramas. (I don’t have an addictive personality at all)  Finding a sense of worth, self-definition and purpose seem to be some of their life lessons.  (Big Mm-Hm)

So, maybe I’m a little of both.  Heck, I’m probably a little of every sign.  I think we all are.  Does it matter if our signs have changed, if they’re not what we thought they were?

Then again, the story could be blown way out of proportion.  The media has a knack for doing things like that.

Social Problems, The Middle, and Popeye’s Chicken

While you’re in school, certain classes, certain lessons, stick with you.  You remember a particular person in history, or a particular formula or math equation, a certain poem you can still recite.  I don’t know why one thing sticks while so many others are forgotten – something about it sparks a flame inside your mind, and it stays lit for years.

One such lesson for me came in a community college course I took called “Social Problems.”  In that class, we studied sociological, economic, political, and environmental issues that we face, some of us daily.  I had a great professor, and I think that’s key in lessons sticking with you.  He was intelligent, personable – he was very much “one of us.”  He was young, and cute, come to think of it…maybe that’s why I remember him.  😉

Anyway, the one thing that stuck with me in this class was a film we watched.  In it, this couple, very poor, could not afford to feed their three kids and themselves.  They would periodically give up one or two kids to the foster system, so that they would be taken better care of, so that they could eat.  I thought that was very noble of them…until I found out that both parents were two-pack-a-day smokers.

You know what?  IF YOU QUIT SMOKING YOU COULD AFFORD TO FEED YOUR KIDS!

People struggle.  I can bitch and moan all day that I’m struggling, being unemployed, but I know that others struggle much, much more than I do.  I know that I don’t know what poor is.  I don’t know what struggle is.  I think most people who “struggle” also have no real concept of the word.

The Middle

 

ABC’s The Middle is about a middle class family in the Midwest.  It’s a cute little show, with the working parents, the academically challenged child, the socially awkward child, and the bright but quirky child.  They are the typical middle-class family, struggling to raise good kids, keep their marriage together, pay bills, work their jobs, and get dinner on the table.

In this week’s episode, the mother accidentally buys a $200 jar of eye cream, thinking it cost $20, which she already thought of as exorbitant.  She knows her husband will be upset, and he is, but, we find out, not because she made the mistake she made.  He’s upset because a $200 mistake means they both have to take a second job.  He’s upset because he doesn’t want to be in a position where that small of an amount, $200, makes that big of a difference to their finances.  He thinks they should be old enough, have learned enough and saved enough and be making enough, that $200 isn’t a big deal.

It was a great episode, and I think a lot of people, especially these days, are in the same boat, where a $200 mistake is a big deal.

But here’s where I tie all this together:  Being the “typical middle class family,” their dinner regularly consists of fast food.  The mother very rarely cooks, because, like the typical middle class mother, she doesn’t have the time or energy after a long day of work.  And I just flash back to that video of the smoking parents, and I think, Maybe if you didn’t buy fast food all the time, a $200 mistake wouldn’t be as big of a deal.

Of course, the fact that they were eating Popeye’s Chicken at the end of this episode, making me incredibly jealous because I can’t get Popeye’s Chicken where I live, has nothing to do with my angst.  🙂

Baby Eggplant

You know when you’re in the grocery store, or at the Farmer’s Market, and you see a vegetable that you have no idea what to do with or how it tastes?

One of my (new) goals for 2011 is to pick that vegetable up and figure out what to do with it after the fact.

Image by Slightlynorth via Flickr

I was at the farmer’s market on Saturday and saw baby eggplant.  I thought, well, why not?  I grabbed four.  When I got home, I looked it up, to see what I should do with it.  Turns out, it’s pretty much exactly like eggplant, just…smaller.  So similar, in fact, that I couldn’t really find much information on them!  So my first foray into new vegetables turns out to be not so new.

Let it go

Image by Norma Desmond via Flickr

 

I’ve been working on getting rid of a lot of clutter from my condo.  Cleaning out.  What I’ve done so far has helped me breathe easier – I wonder how I’ll feel when it’s done.

My friend loaned me a book that helped her out:  Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui, by Karen Kingston.  I’ve been skimming it, mostly, and I’m about halfway through, and this one part jumped out at me.  I even wrote it down.

Life is constant change.  So when something comes into your life enjoy it, use it well, and when it is time, let it go.  It is that simple.  Just because you own something, it doesn’t mean that you have to keep it forever.  You are just a temporary custodian of many things as they pass through your life.

For some reason, I immediately, without thought, applied this not to my home, my material posessions, but to my personal life, to the things I’ve been holding onto mentally.  Of course, this is kind of the point – you clear out the physical clutter, it helps you clear out the mental clutter. 

But this quote literally stopped me in my tracks.  I reread it several times, thought about it, read it a few more times.     “When something comes into your life enjoy it, use it well, and when it is time, let it go.”

Enjoy it.

Use it well (or, learn from it).

Let it go.

Let it go.

Today I happened upon this article on CNN about de-cluttering.  The author suggests evaluating everything you own as if you are moving overseas – what would you take with you in the limited space available?

Again, certain things jumped out at me, because I unconsciously applied them to my mental clutter, not material possesions. 

• “Is this thing worth hauling 6,000 miles across an ocean and in to a new home? Is it providing that much meaning and value to my life? If not, why bother having it now?”  Is this mental baggage I’m carrying worth carrying it around with me, is it adding meaning or value to my life?
• “It’s just stuff. You think you’ll miss [it]…but once it’s gone, you really don’t. Getting rid of something isn’t just saying no, it’s saying yes to what you’re gaining — more space, more visual clarity…”  Get rid of the mental anguish, gain clarity.
• “It’s about everything in your life having value. It’s looking at all your belongings and knowing that you’ve given that thing permission to be there, that the item is truly adding value and beauty to your life.”  It’s about looking at all of your thoughts and knowing that they are truly adding value and beauty to your life.

It’s not easy, de-cluttering your life, or your mind.  It’s really difficult to let go of some things.  But I’m working harder at it.

2010 in review

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

The average container ship can carry about 4,500 containers. This blog was viewed about 20,000 times in 2010. If each view were a shipping container, your blog would have filled about 4 fully loaded ships.

In 2010, there were 143 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 419 posts. There were 55 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 5mb. That’s about 1 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was June 22nd with 152 views. The most popular post that day was Learn Something About…Estes Park.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, eastofthewest.blogspot.com, evanmarckatz.com, WordPress Dashboard, and jenfromtheblock.blogspot.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for estes park, estes park colorado, delightful eccentric, homecoming mums, and brandied apples.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Learn Something About…Estes Park May 2008

2

Homecoming Mums October 2009
4 comments

3

Match.com Etiquette March 2010
2 comments

4

Things I would change about myself if I could- May 2008

5

Brandied Apples March 2008

2010 Effigy

A few years ago my friend Jen introduced us to a new New Year’s Eve custom:  The making of an effigy, things you want to leave behind with the change of the year, and the burning of said effigy.

I am quite proud of my effigy this year.  I used my “Imaginary boyfriend” bumper sticker for the body, cards that The Pilot had given me for arms and legs, and, of course, a picture of him for his head.  Then I filled his body with other things I want to leave behind me (car troubles, sick kitty) and other bad things that happened this year (getting laid off).  There’s a penny I pressed in Tahoe for The Pilot in his hand.  I had a card I had bought him, that’s where the plane comes from. 

I can’t wait to burn this thing. 

See some other great effigies here.

(Edited to add:)