Tag Archives: internet dating

First Kiss Awkwardness

Lipstick used to make a symbolic kiss.

Image via Wikipedia

I met this guy for a first date a few weeks ago.  We had a great time – he was really funny, sweet, and we got along really well.  “I’d like to do this again,” he said.  Absolutely.  We parted in the parking lot with a hug, which is how I like to end a first date.

Second date.  Gosh, I can’t remember where we went!  But it was the same as the first – lots of fun, good conversation.  We parted with a hug.  Which was…fine.  Did I want a kiss?  Yes.  Did I care all that much that I didn’t get one? No.  But it would have been nice.

Third date:  we were meeting for a sushi lunch…at a restaurant that I always forget is closed for lunch on Sunday.  We decided to find another place to go, and I offered to drive.  We had lunch – it was great, the same as the other two, fun, great conversation.  As I drove him back to his car, I realized I had just made the opportunity for a kiss nearly impossible.  Do I get out of the car so we could kiss?  That seems weird.  Or do I forget the option of a kiss this go around, on our 3rd date?  That would really push my limit.  Or, worst of all, would we do an “across the console” kiss, which I knew would be completely awkward and unsatisfactory?

“I’d like to do this again,” he said.  Absolutely.  He leaned across the console.  I puckered up, then realized he was going to only hug me.  Then he realized I was going to kiss him, so he turned his head so our lips met.  In a very, very unsatisfying and awkward kiss.

Fourth date:  we finally got to eat sushi.  Another great time, same as the other three dates.  He walked me out to my car, and I was excited to finally get a good kiss.  It’s been a while for me.  He took my arm, leaned in, and…gave me the very briefest of pecks on the mouth, much like when parents kiss their kids on the lips (which I think is weird, by the way, kissing kids on the lips, but that’s just my opinion).  I got in my car, drove away, and wondered what the heck had just happened.

March 1st rolled around.  My match subscription was up, and I was done.  D-U-N-done.  I hid my profile, resolutely deciding I was done with online dating.  If I was meant to meet a man, I would do it the old fashioned way.

The next day I signed up for OKCupid.  I’m such a glutton for punishment.  (More on that later.)

Two days later I got an email from that guy, the fourth date peck guy.  Paraphrasing:  “It was nice meeting you, but I don’t think we’re right for each other.  Have a nice life.”

Advertisements

The Grad Student

Okay, let’s talk a little about The Grad Student. This was the guy I was so excited about a few weeks ago – he was really smart, and had a dry sense of humor, and could cook really well, if his blog was any indication. But I succeeded in not looking too deeply into his blog. How I held back, I’m not sure.

Our first date, we met for sushi. He didn’t look quite like his picture, but he wasn’t bad looking. We had good conversation, and I have to give him props for suggesting sushi, because boy really didn’t know how to use chopsticks very well. The fact that he was willing to do something he wasn’t very good at and therefore kind of make a fool of himself let me know he didn’t take himself too seriously. When the check came, we split it straight down the middle. As I’ve always said, I’m always more than willing to pay on a first date, so even though what he ordered cost more than what I ordered, we split it. We then went to a bar to have a few drinks, which he paid for, so it evened out.

At this point I wasn’t sure about this guy. I liked him well enough, and we had a good time, but I wasn’t really feeling much in the way of sparks. I decided to go ahead and give him another shot.

For our second date, we met at the Dog Bar, and he brought his dogs with him. I got there before him, and started a tab at the bar and went to sit outside. When he showed up, he started his own tab, and came out to sit with me. We talked, watched the dogs playing, had more good conversation. We both got a little hungry, so we ordered a pizza from a neighboring restaurant. When it came, he paid for it. I didn’t think of even reaching for my wallet. At the end of the night, I paid my bar tab, he paid his, and we walked out. I mentioned an upcoming roller derby match, and he seemed interested, so we half-planned a date. He left, and at this point we haven’t even hugged, let alone kissed. Really okay with that myself, but I did think it was kind of weird that he didn’t try.

Two weeks and a few emails later, he asked if we were still on for roller derby. I had completely forgotten about that, and had made plans for Saturday afternoon, but I figured I’d have time to do both, so I said yes. He planned on picking me up at 5:30.

At 5:45 he called and said he had gotten stuck in traffic, and he was about 10 minutes away. (It bears mentioning, at this point, that he lives about an hour and a half away.) So he pulls up to my place and I get in the car. I notice out of the corner of my eye that his gas light is on, and I’m thinking – If we run out of gas, I am going to freak. We didn’t. We get to Roller Derby, and it’s $5 to park. Him: “What? $5? Does that include the ticket to the roller derby? I can’t believe you have to pay for parking!” I’m thinking to myself, WTF? Since he does not appear to be reaching for his wallet, I get mine and hand the parking attendant the $20 I have in my purse. Note: I have now paid $5 on this date. That’s important for later.

We get to the ticket counter, and it’s cash only. He needs to run inside to get cash, so I wait. He pays for both tickets…at least, we’re going to assume he bought both tickets. Two tickets were handed to him, but I think he only planned to pay for one (long story). But I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. (Tickets were $10/ea.)

We head inside, and I ask, “You want beers?” He says yes…and keeps his hands in his pockets. Ooooookkkaaayyy. I pay the $8 for beers. (Note: I have now paid $13.)

We sit and watch the derby, which is fun. We hardly talk, because we’re enthralled with the oddness that is roller derby. Afterwards, we stop so he can get gas, then we stop at a bar for a few drinks. We each had two beers each, and we each ordered an appetizer. We talked, and as usual, the conversation is good enough. He tells me that at least twice a month he likes to treat himself to “a nice, expensive dinner out.” And I’m thinking, must be nice! Then the bill comes. The waitress lays it smack in between us. And he just looks at it.

Are you kidding me? So I hand him the $7 I have left from the $20, saying, “This is all I have.” And he says, reluctantly, “Well, I guess I’ll get the rest.”

Darn Skippy, you will, buddy!! I am so done with this date, with this guy. He drives me home and pulls into a parking spot. Says nothing. I open the door, “Well, that was fun.” He says something like, “Yeah, it was.” I get out and close the door, take two steps….AND HE DRIVES AWAY. I live in a condo, I was NOWHERE close to my door, and he just drives away! Now, this guy is in his late 30’s. He should have better manners than a 19 year old. You’re supposed to wait for the person to get safely inside – it’s a little thing called MANNERS.

I figure, he’s just as done as I am. Whatever. Fine. That was last Saturday, and I haven’t heard from him since. Fine by me. We’ve both gone our separate ways. I was really wondering if I should write about him or not, and had pretty much decided not to.

UNTIL HE EMAILED ME TODAY, ASKING ME TO GO OUT AGAIN!! Are you kidding me?! Seriously?!!

My response: “I’m sorry, I was mugged after you dropped me off last week, and I’m still in the hospital. Luckily, the mugger didn’t get any money, since I didn’t have any left.”

Okay, I didn’t really respond that way. I don’t know whether I should respond with a simple “No thank you,” or not respond at all. I really don’t want to respond at all, but I hate being rude. Of course, obviously his idea of rude is completely different from mine.

Next!

The Cop

That’s right. I had a date Friday night with a cop.  I’ve never had anything against dating a cop, but I’ve also never had a “man in uniform” thing, either. I never really noticed pilots in the airport until after I started dating The Pilot, so it wasn’t a uniform thing, per se.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about this guy.  His emails started out pretty good. Well (enough) written, complete sentences, punctuation. Then, the third or fourth email in, I found myself having to almost decipher the meaning of the email, because it was stream of consciousness with a few “lol”s thrown in. And I really hate “lol.”  We had a long phone conversation on Tuesday night, and while he seemed nice enough, there were a lot of marks on the list, all based on very superficial, stereotypical things. He seems to be a hard partier. He “lays out” and “tans.”  He apparently hates “rich people.” (His words, to be exact, were “Damn rich people,” and his meaning was that they were ungrateful to the police force and expected them to jump when they said to.) He drives a Mustang. A red one. And is quite proud of it. Makes me wonder if he’s compensating for something else. And, (and I know, this is horrible, please don’t bother to tell me so) he sounds like the biggest freaking redneck this side of the county line. I’m talking about his accent. There’s southern drawl, and then there’s redneck. Come on, people, please tell me you know what I’m talking about.

I was scared to give this guy too much information about me, because I felt like he could find me too easily. He had my mobile number, and while the average citizen can’t do much with that, surely a cop could find someone with it, right? Or would he need a subpoena to get information from the wireless company? Certainly if he had my last name, or my address, he could find out everything about me. I was trying to figure out how to meet him without him seeing my license plate number.  This is so silly, I know, but you know how everyone says you should be careful on giving out too much information when dating online? Well, that could be doubly true if the guy is a cop. Because they do have access to so much more information.

Plus, you know, there’s a stereotype with cops. There are horror stories about wife-beaters and child abusers and just all-around bad temper. Not all cops are like that. Not all pilots are cheaters. But I have that very real proof that stereotypes can be true.

Regardless of all this, I agreed to having drinks.  And after we talked on the phone, he emailed me that night.  And again Wednesday morning.  Called and texted Wednesday night.  Emailed me again Thursday morning.  I called him  Thursday night, to confirm out plans, as I hadn’t actually talked to him on Wednesday.  He was kidding, I’m sure (I hope) when he said, “You’re not going to stand me up, are you?  If you stand me up, I’ll track you down.”  Really the wrong thing to say, even though he followed it up with a “just kidding.”

So, all in all, I really really was not sure about this one. The question, of course, is why the heck I went out with him? The answer is multi-faceted. Maybe I totally misjudged him. Maybe in person there’s something there. I’m really trying to put myself out there, to fully explore any opportunities presented to me. And, the more men I go out with, the more I can get over my last relationship. At least, I hope.

As a followup, a friend of mine dated a cop once, and I asked her what her experience was.   “I was told by a female cop to never date a cop or a fireman.  I’ve done both and would recommend neither.  The cop was nice enough to me, but the way he talked about the people he policed was awful.  I know that he and some of the other cops he worked with would rough people up for no reason.”  Well, that did nothing to make me feel any better about this.  I mean, I get that they see a lot of stuff, bad stuff, and they see it over and over again, so they obviously start judging people based on their experience.  But I don’t think I want that much negativity around me.

The date went fine.  But he was quite negative whenever race or ethnic topics came up (the new Arizona immigration law, for one), and I don’t want someone like that in my life.  At lease not someone I have a choice about.

He called and texted me yesterday.  I didn’t know what to do.  I finally sucked it up today and emailed him on Match letting him know I wasn’t interested.

Ugh.  I hate that part.  My stomach is still in my throat.

Rejection 101

I have determined that I need to learn how to not worry about hurting other people in the online dating world.

I mean, what do I care if I’m not interested in them, while they are still interested in me? Oh, wait, that’s what makes me a compassionate individual. I actually care about other people’s feelings.

But, really, that’s what online dating is, right? You meet once, twice, and if there’s no spark, no chemistry, you move on. Except that some of these guys are genuinely nice guys, and I feel bad for rejecting them, because there’s nothing wrong with them, and I don’t want them to think there is something wrong with them. It’s a classic case of “I’m just not that into you.”

I feel like I need a class in “Rejection 101.” What is the proper way to reject someone? Simply not responding to phone calls or emails is so immature and rude. But, LORDY!, that conversation is so awkward. “You’re a really nice guy, but…” is so trite. I guess it just goes to show it’s trite for a reason – because it’s a basic truth.

I’ve thought about using the classic “bad date” moves, kind of like “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” Mention the ex…a lot. Talk about your cat…a lot. If I could lie, I might say, “I’m really just working until I find a husband who can support me,” or, “I think I should tell you, before this goes any further…my name used to be Stan.”

I’ve got to figure something out, though, because I keep subjecting myself to third dates with men I’m really not all that excited about. I think they’re great people, we get along really well and can talk for hours, but at the end of the day, it’s really just not there. And isn’t it far worse to go on that date? I’m giving myself entirely too much credit here, I know, but isn’t it worse to lead them on, letting them think that I am interested in them, when I’m not?

I guess the question is, which would guys prefer? Would they prefer “The Rejection Talk,” or would they prefer rejection through silence? Or would they prefer the far more underhanded approach of deciding themselves that they don’t like a girl based on the things she does or says, even if that’s not who she really is? Remember, we’re not talking about a relationship here, we’re talking about the first/second date in an online dating scenario. Which, as I tried to explain to a coworker today, is completely different from meeting someone “in real life.”

Ah, to meet someone the old fashioned way. I’d love that. I’d love to instantly click with someone I run into at the grocery store or at a party or even, god help me, at a bar.

Why can’t things be simple?

Sparks

You’ll remember, a few weeks ago, I was quite excited about a certain guy

You know how when you get your expectations up, and the reality can’t possibly live up to them?

Let’s just say, I am not getting excited about any more dates.

Not that it was a bad date, or that he was not a great guy.  It was a nice date, and he was a great guy.  We’ve been on a second date, and we’re still communicating via email.  But there were no sparks.  And I want sparks. 

I’ve been on a couple more dates, dates with good men, but there just hasn’t been anything worth writing home about.  Any time I mention that I have a date, my friends get excited:  “With who?  Who’s this guy?  What’s he like?  Where are you going?  What are you doing?”

“NO!” I reply.  “No, we are no longer getting excited about any dates.”  Because getting excited more often than not leads to disappointment.  That goes against my very nature, because I am an eternal optimist.  I want to get excited – if I’m not excited, why bother?  But at the same time, is it fair to these guys to have this unrealistic expectation going in?  Not that said unrealistic expectation is that he’s going to be the man of my dreams and we will instantly fall in love and live happily ever after, but you see what I’m saying. 

With The Grad Student (the man I mentioned above), I expected sparks, I expected to really, really like this guy, I expected…more.  More than I ended up with, which was just a nice dinner with a nice guy and some good conversation. 

So, no more getting excited over dates. 

I had a date last Tuesday, New In Town.  Very, very sweet guy, and I’ll probably invite him out to dinner club, because he’s new in town and was a super nice guy.  But there was nothing there.

I had a date Friday night, we’ll call this guy Boone.  I was not excited, it was just a date.  I was convince that he was not going to look like his pictures, he lives out of town, it’s not going to be worth anything, yadda yadda, trying to talk myself into unenthusiasm.  He called while I was on my way to the place we were meeting to let me know he was already there.  He sounded…unsure of himself.  I instantly thought, “This isn’t going to be a good date.” 

Let me explain that a little bit.  I’m a bit on the shy side when it comes to new people.  I put on a really great front on dates, I treat them as interviews, I’m ON and outgoing and outspoken.  It’s completely different from when I normally meet new people.  Usually I’m quiet, and shy, and I don’t know what to say.  I don’t do small talk well.  But on dates, I do.  I can’t really figure out what the difference is, other than the interview analogy.  Because of this, I really need (and want) a man who is extroverted, who is kind of a “take charge” kind of guy (without being a complete jerk).  A man who will step up to the hostess stand and tell the hostess “table for 2.”  (That’s big for me, for some reason.  If I’m on a first, second, third date with a guy, and I’m the one asking for the table, it’s a pretty big strike against him in my book.  Unfair and silly?  Yes.  But…) 

Anyway, back to the date with Boone.  He sounded unsure, so I was worried that this was doomed.  I got there, found him, we did this extremely awkward handshake/wave/hug thing, and went to get some wine (we were at this store that sells wine, but then they have glasses and a patio and you can drink it there).  Again, he didn’t seem very take charge, and we stood in line, awkwardly chitchatting.  We found a table and started talking.

And really hit it off.  I felt sparkage.  Not full on raging fire-producing sparks, but there was definitely interest.  And we ended up talking for over 5 hours.  (That’s actually not that unusual for me – even dates where I know right away I’m not interested, I’ve still enjoyed multiple-hour conversations.)   So, we’ll see. 

But I’m NOT getting excited.

There’s some funny sh*t on the internet!

Feng Shui of the Penis, including the fact that boxer shorts are so much better for good ch’i than briefs (no surprise there!), and advising men not to masturbate directly at a mirror, “as this could reflect your burst of ch’i straight back at you, exploding your penis.”  (Thanks to izziedarling for posting this one!)

Of course, there’s izziedarling herself, who cracked me up with her Dear John post.  “You are free to walk about the plane….  Wear a parachute in case you fall off the edge.  On second thought, leave the parachute at home.  Karma’s going to bite you in the ass no matter what.”  Loved that whole bit…for obvious reasons. 

Online dating is a funny, funny, thing.  It provides a wealth of humorous stories, most of which friends who have never done online dating would never believe.  I’ve wanted to post far more than I have about the stuff I’ve encountered, but I also feel kind of bad for making fun of some of these men.  Enter wooingthesnark.  Corroboration for my assertion that I cannot make this shit up.

This video was posted by a friend of mine on FB.  Lovely video, this elephant seal totally loves this human.  The funny bit comes around 1:10 in – watch the penguin in the upper left corner.  If we have things called “photo bombs,” where someone in the background completely steals away from the photo, could this be classified as “Home Video Bomb?”