Tag Archives: health

On a lighter note- TSA Humor

Stay Sweet TSA

Image by Blacknell via Flickr

Press Release:

WASHINGTON, DC-  Recent data has shown that women often neglect to do a monthly self breast exam, as recommended by their doctors.  In an effort to facilitate breast health, the TSA has begun training security personnel to check for lumps during their pre-flight pat down inspections of female passengers.  This will ensure more women are checked on a regular basis, as early detection is key.  Because breast cancer can strike males as well, men who are concerned about their breast health can also request the breast exam, as well as a testicular cancer screening, for a nominal fee.  Simply tell the TSA Agent during your pat down that you want to “opt in.”

It’s a joke, people.

For more press release fun: 

WASHINGTON, DC—Seeking to address “the number-one threat to airline security,” the Federal Aviation Administration announced Monday that it will consider banning passengers on all domestic and international commercial flights…  (Grr – linking not working right at the moment – here’s the article:  http://www.theonion.com/articles/faa-considering-passenger-ban,44/

My life’s okay

Blog post in haiku:

My life’s okay,

Have Job, Home, Food, Health, Friends –

It could be worse.

Seriously. I realize that there are people far worse off than I am, and that my problems and issues don’t add up to spoonful of the heaping mess that some people deal with.

I’m employed, and have money in the bank, and can pay my bills and have some spending money. I own my own home, and don’t have to worry about where my next meal is going to come from.

I’m college educated, have reliable transportation, electricity and running water.

I am healthy, disease free, with no real physical or mental limitations.

I’ve never had a man hit me. I’ve never had to deal with date rape or unwanted pregnancy or a psycho stalker. I’ve never had to deal with divorce and custody battles and child support. I’ve never had to deal with the death of a child.

I have a loving family that I get along with quite well. I have friends who care about me, who would (and have) jump in their car in the middle of the night to rescue me from the side of the road, who would offer me a place to stay and food and clothes off their back if I needed it.

I know all this. Which is why I feel really bad when I have my “Woe is Me” moments. Oh, boohoo, I can’t afford a trip to Europe. Oh, boohoo, I can’t afford a new car. Oh, boohoo, my boyfriend cheated on me and dumped me (although, does it count as being dumped if he just disappeared?). Oh, boohoo, I don’t get to go out to eat as often as I would like. Oh, boohoo, some days I don’t like my job very much. Oh, boohoo, I can’t run 3 miles in 30 minutes.

Boo-freaking-hoo.

I get it.

Doesn’t mean I don’t want things to be better.

The head can say it all day long, yell and scream and shout through a bullhorn, but the heart, the soul, the core of you doesn’t always listen, or pay attention to reason.

Sucks, don’t it?

What do you boohoo about, even though you know it could be worse?

Woman Issues

The title gives you fair warning. This post may be a somewhat explicit description of a particular woman issue, one in which I have experience in, and you may not want to read it.

You have been warned.

I won’t go in depth on what a colposcopy is, but if you want to learn the more technical information: Wikipedia.

As most people know, women (should) have annual pap smears. The reason is to detect abnormal cell growth that may lead to cervical cancer. As with any cancer, the earlier you detect it, the easier it is to treat.

Well, when you have an abnormal pap smear, the doctor may do one of several things, including a colposcopy (or colpo). During a colposcopy, the doctor will examine the cervix with a microscope and take a piece of the cervix for biopsy purposes.

That doesn’t quite cover it, though.

My last pap smear came back abnormal, and I had to start doing quarterly colpos. The first one wasn’t so fun, but it wasn’t quite as bad as when I had my IUD put in. I had some cramping, and had that “hot/cold” thing going for several hours. My second one actually wasn’t bad at all, and (bonus!) when it came back they said they would wait 6 months to do another, instead of 3 months.

Today was my third colpo. I went in, I get on the chair (or, as my Doctor calls it, the Carowinds ride), and we begin.

And (tug, trying to cut a piece of my cervix off) my doctor (tug) can’t (tug) quite (tug) get a hold (tug) of a good (tug) piece (tug).

Mother of God! I was in tears by the end of it. There’s a reason I don’t go back to work after these things – all I want to do is curl up in a little ball. The drive home is fun enough, with the cramps, and I think I actually went into a little bit of shock this time around.

So here I sit, curled into a ball, wishing the cramps away. I call this doctor’s visit, “Yes, please cut a piece of my cervix off, Thank You!”

Today’s Highlight Reel

Thank god they’re not Americans – almost 70% of Britons can’t correctly identify the size and placement of the lungs in the human body.

I’m so glad this dangerous criminalis off the street!! Zoinks!  An amusement park employee is arrested for helping someone win a stuffed animal!  I’m so scared! 

I saw a bumper sticker over the weekend: “Annoy a liberal – Work – Succeed – Be Happy.”  Well, I know a lot of liberals. They work. They succeed. They’re immensely happy. And other people doing those things do not annoy them. Just because a person is a liberal does not mean they live off welfare and expect the government to pay for everything.