Tag Archives: funny

Gotta Love 80s TV

Did we actually think the acting in these shows was good at the time?  I mean, seriously.

Last night I happened to catch an episode of The A-Team, c.1983.  This one happened to be about a hijacked plane…kind of funny, considering…

You can watch the full episode on hulu.  I beg of you, with my entire being, please watch the first five minutes. For even more fun, wait until they shoot out an airplane window, and they have to land the plane:

 

ALLAN! ALLAN! ALLAN! ALLAN! AL! ALLAN!

My friend sent around a compilation of BBC Walk on the Wild Side videos, which feature animals in the wild “talking.”  I couldn’t find the compilation on youtube, but here are some videos from the show, all funny!

Night time…..DAYTIME!

Move! Move! Move!  Move! MoveMoveMoveMoveMoveMove…

Do that thing where you fart through your head.

Enjoy!

I love Simon’s Cat!

Mrowr.

On a lighter note- TSA Humor

Stay Sweet TSA

Image by Blacknell via Flickr

Press Release:

WASHINGTON, DC-  Recent data has shown that women often neglect to do a monthly self breast exam, as recommended by their doctors.  In an effort to facilitate breast health, the TSA has begun training security personnel to check for lumps during their pre-flight pat down inspections of female passengers.  This will ensure more women are checked on a regular basis, as early detection is key.  Because breast cancer can strike males as well, men who are concerned about their breast health can also request the breast exam, as well as a testicular cancer screening, for a nominal fee.  Simply tell the TSA Agent during your pat down that you want to “opt in.”

It’s a joke, people.

For more press release fun: 

WASHINGTON, DC—Seeking to address “the number-one threat to airline security,” the Federal Aviation Administration announced Monday that it will consider banning passengers on all domestic and international commercial flights…  (Grr – linking not working right at the moment – here’s the article:  http://www.theonion.com/articles/faa-considering-passenger-ban,44/

Job Search Funnies

We're now hiring!

Image by Zach Klein via Flickr

  • Company:  www.meetup.com
  • Position:  “Product Manager, Secret Projects to Imperialize the Internet with Earnest Intent to Spawn Mass Local Community Organizing”
  • The funny:  ….isn’t it obvious?

 

  • Company:  SGL Carbon
  • Position:  Legal Assistant
  • The funny:  The job description indicates that “The employee is regularly required to…use hands to finger, handle, or feel.” What, exactly, would a legal assistant be required to “finger, handle, or feel?”

 

  • From Craigslist:  “Recently I decided to purchase a small electrolysis machine for home use. The down side is that I can’t reach/see places like underarms. So…I’m wondering if there is anyone out there who would be interested in swapping electrolysis sessions with me.”
  • Makes me wonder where else she can’t reach/see…and wants someone else to help with…

 

  • Another from Craigslist:  “Seeking a female to read books out loud and provide massages.  (No not at the same time.)”

 

  • And, from Craigslist:  Position:  Travel Agent.  “I will be conducting interviews on Friday at the Denny’s in Concord.”

A Lunch Buffet, with Melons

A silhouette of Stripper on a Pole

Image via Wikipedia

 

I met a friend for lunch today.  At a strip club.

I’ve never been to a strip club, despite my curiosity.  I’ve voiced my curiosity and desire to go to a strip club to many of my exes – you would think one of them would have taken me up on it. 

I get the appeal of strip clubs, I do.  What I don’t get is the “tip bar” area (I had to look that up). 

Here’s the scene – you’re at lunch, with business associates, enjoying a (admittedly quite good) lunch buffet.  A woman comes on stage, dressed, and dances for one song, then a second song starts, and off comes her top.  You stand up, walk over to the stage, and the woman shakes either her butt or her breasts in your face. 

In  my opinion, you have just lowered your coleagues’ opinion of you.  You are now, for lack of a better word, a perv. 

I don’t know, maybe it’s different for guys – maybe they don’t see other men that way.

I get it if someone buys you a lap dance.  I get it if you’re out on a Friday night, having a good time, drinking.  I don’t get the business lunch scenario.

How about a funny story?

A commercial came on for the male version of the Shake Weight for Men.  My friend said he hated that commercial, he thought it was stupid.  I snickered, then was distracted by a man, standing at the tip bar, getting his face buried in cleavage.  Several moments passed, and the following conversation took place:

  • Him:  “How hard up are those guys to do that?”
  • Me:  “Pretty much what I was thinking.”
  • Him:  “What do they have to say to those guys, pay them, to get them to do it?”
  • Me:  “Yeah, I really don’t get that at all.”
  • Him:  “I wouldn’t want to be the guy up there looking like he’s jacking off.”
  • Me:  (laughs)
  • Him:  “You couldn’t pay me to touch that.”
  • Me:  “Well, that’s kind of harsh, don’t you think?”
  • Him:  “Huh?”

The whole time, I thought he was talking about the guy at the tip bar with the stripper.  He was talking about the Shake Weight commercial.

HeeHee!!

Friday FunDay

A compilation of a few emails I’ve had recently:

(1)

I told you I’ve been emailing that guy at work, and we’ve written some long, in depth emails. We were talking about the beach, and he said: “There’s something about being at the beach in the winter, barefoot and in blue jeans, and not seeing anyone almost as far as the eye can see in either direction. Especially when it’s a little windy. Being by the sea can make you feel so connected and so separated all at once, if that makes sense….When you’re alone at the beach, I think it feels like that part of the world is just for you – like, no one else is experiencing that part of the sea at that particular moment. Everything from one horizon to the other, and everything in between. I love that feeling.”

Damn if he didn’t hit the nail on the head. I had to write it down somewhere, because it’s perfect. “You feel so connected and so separated all at once.” Beautiful.

(2)

My lovely friends and I had another great, humorous email chain going this week. It started off with a serious discussion about kids and entitlement, and then it went somewhere else, and I said, “Email Hijack!” Someone else attached the wonderful, fabulous, hysterical picture of the bunny with a pancake on his head. I then found out (because my friends are so darn smart) that this bunny’s name is Oolong, and he is famous for balancing things on his head. Evidently there was some controversy over this bunny, with animal rights activists saying that making the bunny balance things on his head was animal cruelty. You know what that means, right? You can no longer teach your dog to sit, shake, or roll over. Because it’s animal cruelty.

(3)

The fun email week ended late in the day today with an email conversation with my friend, The Bartender. We were discussing another friend of ours who orders Philly Cheese steaks with no onions and no peppers. I mentioned that I don’t like those things either, which is why I don’t order Philly Cheese steaks, because when you take away a key ingredient, it’s no longer what it was. I gave the example of ordering spaghetti and meatballs, without the meatballs, and hold the tomato sauce. My friend: “It’s like when I order a hot woman with issues, but hold the issues.” Me: “Yes – You’ve just taken away the entire flavor of the dish.” Him: “So what flavor are you?”

My response: “I would say I’m one of those dishes that’s in the comfort food category….like Chicken & Dumplings. Only with a dash or two of cayenne, or maybe chipotle Tabasco, to (although I hate the phrase as used by Emeril) kick it up a notch. Enough to give you a good taste, but not enough to burn your taste buds off, and depending on your tolerance to spicy food, I’ll either suit you just fine or burn your a$$. But if you leave that bit of heat off, the dish is just a little too bland, so you just have to take your chances that it’s the right amount of heat.” (Of course, I also should have added that I might not be enough spice for you…you know, for those guys who just LOVE the crazy girls.)

Have I mentioned lately that I love my friends? They keep me sane at work!

Enjoy your weekend,

Delightful Eccentric

What do God, The Robot, and Lindsay Lohan have in common?

Was digging through some emails the other day at work and found this lovely chain between me and a couple of friends. These people seriously keep me sane some days.

(Names changed to genderless names to protect the (not so) innocent. I don’t think there’s anything in this to give anyone away, but if you are Nic, Chris, Taylor, or Terry and don’t want this posted publicly, just email me – I’ll take it down!)

Chris: Saw this church sign on the way to work “He who answers you Controls you.” WTF??

Nic: He who answers you controls you. That is…I’m not sure what that is. So if I answer my boss, does that mean I control her? Ha – that’s humorous.

Chris: My first thought: “So they’re finally admitting that the invention of religion and God is just to control the masses!” Probably not what they had in mind with that…

Taylor: Since I’m answering this e-mail, does that now mean I Control you? I’m concentrating on you doing the robot right now. Let me know if it worked.

Chris: I just got the strangest urge to pop & lock.

Terry: What constitutes an answer? A burning bush?

Chris: What does Lindsay Lohan have to do with any of this?

Terry: NICE! It doesn’t have anything to do with Amy Winehouse either for that matter.

Chris: Hee hee. I’m trying so hard not to giggle that my eyes are watering.

I have an idea

An idea I find intriguing.  An idea that could be very good.

Or potentially very, very bad. 

It could also be very fun.

Eye opening.

Horizon expanding.

Good for me.

Possibly very, very bad for me.

Doing research now.  More to come soon.  Until then…

Anyone want to take a guess on what the idea is?  Most outlandish wins!  (See tags for guidance.)