Tag Archives: friends

I wish he HAD been imaginary

My friend had bought me something for Christmas, but then at the last minute put it away. Probably a good thing she did, as it would not have gone over well at the time. She found it recently and gave it to me last weekend, hoping I would get a good laugh out of it, now, now that things are behind me. And she was right – I laughed. It really is funny:

Of course, there’s an entire back story behind this bumper sticker. Some…stuff…went down last September, with someone I considered a friend. It involved The Pilot. I wrote up a whole blog post, and passed it by The Pilot. Since it heavily involved him, I wanted to get his thoughts, and his okay to post it. He asked me not to post it, he just wanted to forget about it and move on. I accepted that, and posted it privately, with this note: “The Pilot is not happy with my posting this post, so I won’t post it…publicly.”

Of course, things have changed. I know now that The Pilot didn’t want me to blog about it because it was true. Because then his lies would sit there, online, for the world to see.

I’m reposting the blog post, publicly, and I’m sure everyone will get a good laugh out of some of the things I said. This post is unedited, and shows just how f&$#ing stupid I was. Re-reading it for the first time since everything went down, I simply can’t believe how trusting I was. You can view the post here.

Anyway, the big joke at the time, with the very few people who knew about this story, was that I had made The Pilot up, that he was my “imaginary boyfriend.” Oh, how I wish that were true. Would have saved me a lot of heartache (and embarrassment) in the end.

Do I LOOK like a gynecologist?

You know those completely innocent comments that end up sounding not-so-innocent?

I was with some friends the other night, and I had a question.

“I’m going to ask this question, and I know it’s going to sound odd, but there’s a reason behind it.”

Everyone paused and looked at me, eyes wide, already half-laughing in apprehension.

“Do you have a speculum-like tool I can use?”

Silence. Then, “I’ll ask. What would you need something like that for?”

“Well, I need to…” Then I thought about the words that were about to come out of my mouth, and how they would make the prior request sound even worse, and I doubled over in laughter. “I need…” Laughter. “I need…” Laughter. “I need…” Laughter.

Finally, after several minutes, I was able to compose myself just slightly. “I need to get a ball inside a rubber hose.”

See, here’s the full story. I bought a Pilates bar, which has stretchy rubber hose-like bands to create tension. Well, me being as short as I am, the bands are too long for me, so I thought I’d cut some of the length off. The bands have balls in the ends of them to stop them from coming off the bar. It seems simple enough to me to simply remove the balls from the bands (which I’ve already done), cut some length off (done), then reinsert the balls. Except, I can’t get the balls back in. So I’m trying to somehow “MacGyver” it.

I have to get the ball into this rubber hose, which requires stretching the hose wide enough to get the ball in, and getting the ball deep enough so it won’t slide back out. (And, WOW, that sounds bad.) Someone came up with the idea of greasing the ball and the hose (lubing it, if you will – might as well go all out), but my thought is, won’t it then just slip out?

Anyone have any thoughts? (Or a speculum-like tool?)

Pilates Bar

This ball needs go inside this rubber hose

So it looks like this

…and I just threw away a perfectly good cucumber

My eyes are swollen nearly shut.  I used to have some cold ice packs to put on my eyes, but they dried up (because, thankfully, I didn’t have to use them) and I haven’t replaced them.  Even though I’ve needed them several times over the last few months.  Including tonight, which took my by surprise.

The shower is a great place to cry.  You can’t really tell you’re crying, because your face is all wet anyways, and you don’t have to worry about snot getting everywhere.  That’s one of the reasons I keep my shower clean – in case I have to have a good cry.

I started the night fine.  Met a few friends for drinks.  I had three beers, so this break down really wasn’t alcohol related, although I’m sure it provided a pair of crutches. 

And then.

And then my friend, who I love and hate in equal measures, said something that ripped all the nicely healed scabs off my wounds.  I don’t even remember what he said.  But, basically, he said something about playing the field, even though he’s been in a relationship for well over a year now.


“You People.”  I’ve always hated that phrase, because in my mind, it’s usually said by some small-minded asshole who lumps a larger group of people into some pigeon-hole in his mind, based on race or gender or hair color or creed. 

 “You people.”


You people.

You people who go through life hurting others, who think only of yourself and your own gratification and your own happiness. 

You people who don’t have one ounce of concern for other people’s feelings. 

You people who don’t give a rat’s ass about what happens to “the other guy” when you screw him or her.

You people who take and take and take and take.  Take people’s self-worth, and respect, and trust, and love, and piss on it. 

You people.

Do you even consider the pain you cause?

Do you think about how unloved you make these people feel?

How unlovable you make them feel?

How worthless you make them feel?

How much pain you cause?


Sliced cucumbers placed over the eyes help with the swelling.  I had a cucumber, but I threw it out.  Just yesterday, as a matter of fact.

If I had only known…

Blog Twins

Ever since izziedarling commented on my blog and I started following her, I’ve loved her.  I can hear her voice in my head, even though I’ve never met her.  But here’s the thing – it’s not her voice I hear, it’s my friend geauxgirl’s.  I would almost believe they were the same person, if I didn’t know better.  Actually, come to think of it…geauxgirl, do you have a second blog that I didn’t know about?  Nah, you’re too damn busy.

Read this. Then read this.  Then tell me they don’t sound alike.

I would love to have cocktails with both of them together.

On second thought, that might be a little scary…

I *heart* my friends

I’ve been in a “book club” for over 4 years now.  I use “quotes” because we stopped reading a book and discussing it a long, long time ago.  We all (well, okay, not all) read quite a bit, and we occasionally discuss the books we’ve read, but we’ve given up picking a book for the month.  Or, if we do pick a book, the majority don’t read it, and it doesn’t get discussed.

Instead, we meet to talk, about our lives, about current events.  We all have mostly the same outlook when it comes to life, religion, politics – all the stuff you’re not supposed to talk about in polite company.  And we are all very intelligent and very outspoken, so our conversations can get quite interesting.

And it’s not just when we meet.  Today, at about 11:15, one of the ladies sent out an email, venting about a friend of a friends political remark that pissed her off.  I instantly stopped working and waded in.  I sent my email and cursed, because I had to run out to the grocery store at lunch.  But I knew that things were about to get very interesting.  I went ahead and went to the store, and was gone for maybe 25 minutes.  I got back to 4 new emails.  By 3pm, my inbox had gone from 30 to 69, and only two of those were work related.  To paraphrase one of the ladies, “Jesus H, I run to the grocery store to get provisions and booze and come back to the stench of sardines and politics!”  (Oh, yeah, someone mentioned her husband opened a can of sardines and it was stinky.)

We went from politics, to welfare, to religion, to euthanasia.  We didn’t always agree, but DAMN it made for a good afternoon.

Love you guys!!!

(And I watched the highlights of Obama at the Republican thing today, and it’s amazing how much “Bolshevik” sounds like “Bullshit.”  I had to rewind it to verify what he said.)

Gift Cards are the New Fruitcake

(title totally stolen from this MSN article.)

I have a love/hate relationship with gift cards. I love them. They’re great. They’re easy. They’re “free money” if I get them. I hate giving them, because I feel they can be a cop-out. That’s not to say I haven’t given them, I just don’t like to.

My uncle used to give me a gift card to Best Buy every year for Christmas. The only present from him to me was “wrapped” in a white business size envelope and placed on the tree, as if it were an ornament. It was usually a substantial amount – enough to buy a digital camera, or a DVD player, or stereo. My uncle (God love him) was…lazy. A gift card was the easiest thing he could do. I think one year he actually gave me cash, because he couldn’t make it to the store. And I always appreciated it, as I could get exactly the camera I wanted (which was his point – “I knew you wanted a camera, but I thought I’d let you pick it out”). But there was never the anticipation of unwrapping the gift, of finding out what he had bought that made him think of me. It was always very impersonal.

I actually enjoy finding “the perfect gift” for people. I can’t wait to give it to them. Sometimes I’m more excited to see their reaction than they are with the gift. (Quite the let down, by the way.) I buy them things I really think they will enjoy. Sometimes I’m wrong, but hey, at least I put the thought into it. I have bought gift cards before, but only for specific reasons. Examples:

  • My sister is 10 years younger than me and much more fashion-conscious. For her birthday this year, I bought her a shirt I thought she would like, along with a gift card from the same store. I figure she can buy something she likes for herself, and it would be better than me buying her more clothes that would probably just sit in the corner of her closet until she gave them to Goodwill.
  • I often give my dad a gift card to Barnes & Noble. I have no idea what he has read, or if he’s already bought the book he was talking about wanting to read two months ago (he’s notorious for this). So, the way I figure it, I put the thought into the gift by getting it for something specific (books) while giving him the freedom to read what he wants.
  • A few years ago I gave a friend a gift card to the USNWC. Essentially, the idea was to give him a kayak run, but you can’t buy a kayak run. So I gave him the card so he could get one himself, or ride the zipline or climb the wall. His choice. But it got him there to do something fun.

The point is, even though I may give a gift card to someone, I actually think about it and give them something I think they will appreciate and put to use.

Earlier this year, I was determined to do better about sending out cards to people, for birthdays, anniversaries, or just because. Not too long after that, I started making cards, just for fun, but now I’m giving more and more handmade cards instead of store bought ones. I think it makes the person feel even more special, because I made the card with them in mind.

It really is the thought that counts. A gift card can be thoughtful. It can also be crap.

Turkey? No Thanks.

I’ve spent many Thanksgivings alone, at least over the last six years.  Okay, so “many” may be four.  But whatever.  The point is, it doesn’t really bother me. 

What are the reasons people love Thanksgiving?  The Food.  Being with Family.  The Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Well, I’m not a huge fan of Thanksgiving food.  (Gasp!)   Turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, sweet potato pie, pecan pie – not a big fan of any of it.  I know, that’s completely sacrilegious.  Regardless, I can do without it.  I’m going to have veggie pasta today, and it’ll be yummy.  Lick my plate yummy.

Of course I would like to be with family.  But I’d like to be with them multiple times throughout the year, not just one day.   I love the idea of an “orphan Thanksgiving,” and I have often invited people in the past who have been alone.  I’ve gotten those invites, as well, and I’ve gone.  But at that point, it’s not about being with family, at least not your own.  It’s just being with people.  While I always appreciate the offer to come to someone else’s family dinner, it actually makes me feel even worse than just being by myself.  I’m uncomfortable, and I was thinking yesterday that the reason for that is because most of the people at dinner are strangers to me.  But I realized today that it’s more because everyone else at the table knows each other, and I am a complete interloper.  It’s actually harder being in a room where everyone knows each other but you know no one, than in a room where everyone knows no one. 

The Thanksgiving Day Parade.  Was it always as staged and promotional as it is today?  Actors plugging their tv shows.  Performances of Broadway numbers and Troupe Dances on the “stage”.  I simply don’t remember that from when I was a kid.   Give me the Parade of Roses any day.

Of course, the worst part of spending Thanksgiving alone is that people always ask, “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?” or “What did you do for Thanksgiving?”  And when they hear that you’re alone, they give you that pitying look, “Oh, I’m so sorry.”  Really, it’s okay.  I’m fine.

Now, Christmas?  An entirely different story.  Christmas alone totally sucks

(And, thank you Mr. E., for the offer to spend Thanksgiving with your family.  I do appreciate the offer, and I know I would have been welcomed.)

Thankful Thursday

Today, instead of dwelling on the worries of everyday (and not so everyday) life, I thought I’d reflect on some of the things I am thankful for.

  • I am employed and have a roof over my head. I am far better off than a lot of people right now.
  • My dinner decision consists of the question, “What am I going to eat?” rather than, “Will I eat?”
  • I can see the light at the end of my debt tunnel.
  • I have friends who love me enough to worry about me.
  • I have The Pilot in my life.

What are you thankful for today?

Facebook – Good vs. Evil

Is social networking bad for a relationship?  I’ve read a couple of articles about it, and I can certainly see the “YES” side of the argument.  But I also think it’s just an excuse.  I think if the relationship is shaky to begin with, then social networking just exacerbates the problem. 

I read one story about a guy who wondered why he should be friends with his wife – “I see her at home and we talk about our day every day, so why would I have her as a friend on Facebook?”  My question is, why wouldn’t you? 

Because, no matter how much I may trust my husband, I would have to wonder what it is he doesn’t want me to see.

That’s the bottom line, as far as I see it.  Either you have something to hide, or you don’t.  If you don’t have something to hide, then you don’t care.  If you do have something to hide…well…

It doesn’t begin or end with romantic relationships.  What if someone sends you a friend request, but you don’t want to be friends with them?  And, I’m learning, people have a different idea of friending “strategies.”  Some will approve anyone who requests to be a friend.  Some will only approve actual “friends” and struggle with approving acquaintances (or friends of friends).  Some only approve really close friends.  Which is right?  They all are.  It’s a very personal decision.

But when you’re the one that’s not approved for a friend request, or you’re the one who only sees filtered content, or you’re the one that has been unfriended by someone, regardless of how friendly you actually are with the person, it still stings. 

Back to the husband I mentioned above that’s not friends with his wife.  I kind of get that, even if I don’t agree with it (exactly for the reason I mentioned).  But I also think that social networking is more about connecting with people you don’t normally talk to in the course of a week, month, year, decade.  You stay up to date on their lives, without having to make the effort to email or call, without clogging up email with huge picture files of the kids in the pumpkin patch.  You catch up with old high school and college friends, without having to go to the over-priced reunion across the country.  The people I really care about, I already know about their lives.  I don’t need Facebook for that.

As for my romantic relationship, since The Pilot is away so often, our Facebook connection makes me feel closer to him when he’s far away.  All I have to do is log on, and I can see pictures of him and enjoy his smile.  I can enjoy his sense of humor in his wall posts.  I can get a sense of his day, wherever he is.  And, on the lucky times when we are both online at the same time, I can IM him and we can talk. 

And, honestly, today that thought is the only thing keeping me from closing out my facebook account.  Because I’m kind of not feeling Facebook lately.

Ah, Memories…

I remembered a funny today.  I was driving with a friend one day, and I was complaining about bad drivers.  I mentioned that it always seemed like the people I bitched about the most tended to pull into churches.  My friends response?

“Well, sure.  When you yell, ‘Jesus Christ, MOVE!’ they look around and go, ‘What, where?  Has our Savior returned?’  Makes it hard to drive.”

Ah, Lobster, you are missed.  🙂