I talked about the quality of men on OkCupid in my last post, but to recap – I was pleasantly surprised. Most of the men who emailed me had full and complete profiles, with very few (if any) grammar and spelling mistakes. As with match.com, there were a few that I wasn’t interested in, but I started an email conversation with two particular men on the same day, a week after I signed up.
Seal emailed me, and his writing was clear and to the point. He seemed like a pretty okay guy.
Arlington emailed me, and asked me my opinion on the Oxford comma. I was sold. (Pro, for the record.)
I had my first date with Seal on a Wednesday night. It was very casual, and I enjoyed myself. He was smart, and outspoken, and opinionated. And all I could think was, “Oh, he and my dad would soooooo not get along.” We were there for about 3 hours. We walked out to the parking lot and parted with a wave.
My first date with Arlington came the following night, on Thursday. We met for drinks, in a very crowded and loud bar. He was quiet, but he had no problem talking. We had a couple of lulls in the conversation, where we were both trying to figure out what to say, but once we started talking again we had no problem. We spent about two and a half hours together. We walked out to the parking lot, and parted with a hug.
Saturday rolled around, and Arlington and I went for our second date. We went for dinner, and had intended to go to a movie, but my friends were throwing an impromptu bonfire. It should be noted, I almost NEVER introduce these men to my friends before the fourth date, usually longer. They don’t need a parade of men coming through their lives, in the same way kids don’t. But…I felt sparks. We had a blast at my friend’s house, he even did some singing on Rock Band, and we parted in the driveway with a quick kiss.
And I spent the whole drive home (even some of the time I was at a standstill on the interstate, with the car turned off) trying to get the huge grin off my face.
The next day, Sunday, I had a second date with Seal. We went to a local hiking trail, and it was…fine. He’s a nice guy, and very smart, and we have great conversations, but there wasn’t any of that sparkage I felt with Arlington. We ended up running into my friends (the same friends who had met Arlington the night before), and Seal went on and on about how perfect we were for each other – We both like THIS and We both like THAT. It was kind of annoying. We parted with a hug.
That Wednesday, I made partial plans for a third date with Seal on Friday night, to go on a gallery crawl. Then I had my third date with Arlington. We went and played trivia, and had a great time. And, wow, what a kiss.
I knew I needed to let Seal know that I liked this other guy more, but it’s such an uncomfortable position to be in. I called him on Thursday and told him that, while I would love to go ahead with our plans on Friday, I felt I needed to tell him that I had met someone else. And while I enjoyed our conversation and his company, I just liked…this…other…guy…um…more…
He was cool about it, and said he’d still like to do the gallery crawl, “as long as the other guy doesn’t mind. And he can come to, if he wants.” Oh, yeah, like that would be comfortable.
Here’s the thing that hit me. I can’t count the number of times I’ve gone out with a guy and said, “He’s nice. We had a nice time. Good conversation. Eh.” And I would go on second dates with these guys, because, well, he’s a nice guy, and we had a good time. And, you know, everyone says you need to give a guy a chance, that women expect too much, etc. And I had started to believe that.
And then I felt what I think I should expect to feel. Sparks. That warm feeling in your stomach. Not low down stomach, up high stomach, almost butterflies but not quite. I can’t talk about him or our dates with smiling. Writing this, I’m smiling.
I had forgotten what that felt like. It’s a nice feeling. And it’s now been almost a month, and I’m still smiling.
nice GREAT feeling.
Not too long ago, INRIS commented, “Now you’ve discovered you can feel good about a new guy.” No, NOW I’ve discovered that. 😉