Tag Archives: fashion

How low can you go?

A few months ago I was flipping channels (note: I do not have any premium channels) and my eyes nearly popped out. I flipped back to see if I actually saw what I thought I saw. I blinked a few times. Shut my eyes really tight. Opened them again.

Okay, there. She is wearing a swimsuit. For a minute, I thought she was nekkid. She might as well be, that itty bitty little bikini, flesh-toned, which is why I thought she was nude.

“What in the world am I watching?” Women, in tiny little bikinis, walking a runway. A fashion show? Nope – the Hooters Beauty Pageant.

I admit it – I watched for about 5 minutes, my eyes popping out of my head. I just knew that at any minute, I was going to see parts of a woman that are not suitable for basic cable. The tops, of course, were little triangles, but they weren’t quite to the point of being indecent. It was the bottoms. Using all of about four square inches, between back and front, there wasn’t much to them. Put your fingers up into about a 4”x4” square, imagine it split diagonally and tied together with string. How much do you think that would cover, really? Need a visual?

Well, I would post pictures, but I’m worried about some porn linkage.  Do a search yourself.

Not too long after that, I picked up a couple of new bikinis from Target. I’m usually able to buy a medium string bikini right off the rack without any problem. Since they’re adjustable, the fit isn’t an issue, it’s just coverage, and in the past, mediums have provided adequate coverage.

Not this time. I felt like I should be wearing 6” heels and walking a runway – except, you know, I’m not as insanely hot as those girls.

These bottoms were super low, front and back. Crack showing in back, and…curls…showing in front. And (not to get too graphic) I keep my…curls…trimmed a little lower than the natural…curl…line.

That’s a little low, don’t you think? Seriously, who wears these? Oh, right, Hooters girls. And strippers.  And really really hot girls that can pull it off, which, let’s face it, are few and far between.

A couple of weeks after I watched the Hooters Beauty Pageant, my friend Mr. GeauxGirl told me they had recorded a little bit of this show I had to watch. He said he and his wife were flipping channels one night, and they saw these girls wearing the skimpiest little bikinis known to man. “I saw that!!” I said. “I nearly called you guys to make you watch! It’s like a train wreck!!”

You can see video, if you are so inclined, here.

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Homecoming Mums

Most people I know now have no idea what I’m talking about when I mention Homecoming Mums.  I’ve figured out that it’s very much a Texas thing.  I’ve had to pull up photos online just to show people what they look like, and they always think it’s funny.  This one is from Michael’s:

mum

Now, this one may be 4-5 feet long, and may cost around $100. For a better idea on what kind of mums are available, see www.mumsandgarters.com

Girls wear these mums all day.  They are very much a sign of popularity, at least they were when I was in high school.  The bigger the mum, the more popular you are.  Usually your boyfriend gets you a mum – if you don’t have a boyfriend, you have to beg your parents to get you one.  And it really is much better to pay someone to make one, rather than make one yourself.  (Trust me – I know.)  Really wish I could find my pictures…

I had three mums in school – one year I made my own (disaster), one year my parents bought me one, and one year I was lucky enough to have a boyfriend buy me one.  And it was a good one – a big single, that hung down below my knees.  Yeah, that was awesome.

On the guys side, they get garters they wear around their biceps.  The same applies – the bigger, the more popular you are.  But, unlike for girls, most men who have them actually get them from their girlfriends. 

Trust me – you MUST check out this link to fully appreciate mums and garters.  (What’s funny is, I did a google search for images, found this one to be perfect, then realized it was for The Woodlands HS, which I went to.  Well, actually, I went to McCullough HS, which I think is now a middle school, and TWHS took it’s place, but still – small world, eh?

As you can see from the pictures, lots of ribbons, usually with your name on one, the high school name on one, your boyfriend’s name on one, ribbons with “Go Team” or “WIN!”.  Oh, the possibilities are endless.  Oh, yeah, and little trinkets and things, too, whistles and footballs and helmets and letters and bears…

As you can imagine, these things weigh A TON.  It looks like these girls actually have them strung around their necks, but when I was in school they were pinned to your shirt, usually to one side (I think the left).  Imagine 20 pounds pinned to your shirt.  Yeah, insane, right?

Ah, memories….

(More links to mum pictures, here, here.