Tag Archives: etiquette

Match.com Etiquette

I joined Match.com.  Again.  Something I was hoping to never do again, but what can you do.

I always have this dilemma with online dating.  Actually, two. 

  • I know that there are some great men out there, but they may not appear attractive to me in their pictures.  I also know that a person can be better looking or worse looking, based on their personality.  So, do I give the ones I wouldn’t normally be interested in a chance? 
  • I always respond to a wink or an email, even if it’s just with a “No Thanks.”  I feel it’s impolite to completely ignore someone.  But now I’m not sure how to handle a particular issue.  I’ve exchanged several emails with a couple of guys that were kind of “meh” to begin with, and I really don’t feel interested in.  What do I do at this point?  Send them an email that says, essentially, “I’m sorry, I think you’re boring”?  Ignore them?  I hate doing that, but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  Maybe I’m giving myself too much credit, to think that I might hurt someone’s feelings by not being interested in them after a few emails. 

What would Emily Post say?  What do you, Reader, think?

I found this interesting forum post online here – an interesting read, but I’ll sum up, as it’s rather long.  This man signed up for Match for one month, made an extensive and very thorough list of women he wanted to contact, based on their profiles and Match’s “match” qualifications, with little emphasis on photos, and more emphasis on his actual likes and dislikes and what he wanted from a woman and a relationship.  He began systematically emailing them, taking the time to specifically mention things from their profile (IOW, not a generic email).  He emailed several women a day, and by the end of the month, he had emailed 94 women.  Out of those 94 women, 81 had read the email.  Only 9 women read his profile (the others didn’t even bother to look at his profile).  He got 4 “No Thanks” replies (which is a simple one button option).  No one emailed him back.

I was absolutely FLOORED by this.  He had a 5% respond rate, and a 0% interest rate.  I always read the profile, and I am very big on reading the full profile before flipping through any pictures (although, of course, the main picture is hard to avoid).  I have ignored gorgeous men who write crappy profiles.  I have a harder time with great profiles when the pictures are…less than attractive, or when it’s someone I know I won’t be physically attracted to.  The only exception to this is men who are listed as “currently separated.”  The second I see that, I say “No Thanks,” and I always have.  Guys, you are married.  I don’t care that NC divorce laws are stupid and require you to be separated for a year before filing for divorce.  You are still MARRIED.  I don’t want to be a part of that. 

My favorite part of this whole forum post is this:

I have to question the quality of breeding among the women on MATCH.COM. Basic common decency dictates that in an environment like on-line dating that one gives a response to all serious inquires. MATCH has convenience of a “No Thanks” button right beside the message for the recipients to use. Yet, the overwhelming majority of the women who actually read the mail do not exhibit the courtesy of giving any response. Men, do you really want a woman who is not going to thank you when you give help? Is going to be rude to your family? That’s is the kind of women you are likely to find on MATCH.COM. To be quite honest, I think I have dodged a bullet by not having these women respond to me.

Lyle Lovett is a smart man

Rules from a Texas Gentleman

“The first rule of manhood is that they are in charge.  Give it up.  Realize that they’re smarter and better looking.  We don’t have a chance.”

“Women always go through the door first.  Even ardent feminists would admit it’s nice.  It’s not an acknowledgment of women as the weaker sex; it’s perhaps an acknowledgment of women as the stronger sex.  We follow.”

 “There’s etiquette to listening:  If they’re talking, shut up.  Just shut up.  Simple enough?”

“Never order for a woman.  You’re going to tell a woman what to eat?  Never tell a woman anything.  Ask.  And be grateful for whatever reply you might get.”

For those who always wondered what the hell Julia Roberts saw in Lyle Lovett – this may explain it some.