Can’t Find a Better Man

Waitin’, watchin’ the clock, it’s four o’clock, it’s got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says she’s in love with him
Can’t find a better man
She dreams in color, she dreams in red
Can’t find a better man

I love this song. It’s one of the songs I sing along to without even thinking about it. I have for years.

I’ve also applied the song to many a boyfriend. P2. Colorado Boyfriend. A couple of great guys that I just didn’t love, despite wanting to.

I’ve always assumed the song was about an abusive relationship, although it never actually says that. Looking on the internet, I found that Vedder wrote this about his mother’s husband, his stepfather, who was evidently abusive towards his mother.

However, I think it can apply to many non-abusive relationships. Relationships in which a person isn’t happy, and yet they stay. They’re not happy with the state of the relationship, or they don’t really love the person anymore, or they’re simply worried that there’s no one else out there for them.

I want to note, none of my boyfriends were abusive, but I can relate to the other meanings.

I’ve said it before – I don’t believe in settling, not if you’re truly looking for love. I don’t think it’s fair to you, or to the person you’re settling for. If all you want is kids and a family, and that’s what the other person wants, too, and you get along well enough and you both agree that it’s more a business arrangement than a love story, then it’s not really settling at that point. Go for it. But if you want love, and romance, and you’re with someone just because you don’t think you can find anyone else…well, that just seems like a miserable existence to me.

I’ve been there in the short term. I’ve been waiting for a boyfriend to show up, thinking, “I need to end this, this isn’t what I want.” And the guy comes in and I take a breath to start “The Talk,” and I just…can’t. Because what if there is no one better out there for me? Because I don’t want to start the process all over again. Because I’m tired and I just want to be In A Relationship, so I don’t have to keep trying. Because what if I never find someone?

But in the end, I’d rather be happy with myself, the person I am. I’d rather like myself, knowing I didn’t fake it. Regardless of how unhappy I sometimes get being single, I’d rather be happy and alone then with someone and miserable.

(The picture above is an original piece by Carrie Graber.  Please check out her artwork here – she’s phenomenal.  I’ve previously posted about her here.)

5 responses to “Can’t Find a Better Man

  1. 1) The whole point of my blog: Don’t Settle.

    2) You’ve gone out on many dates where you obviously captivated the gentleman you were dating. Ergo: you’ve established that you’re a catch; now, you just need to find the guy who captivates you, as well. ie, you don’t *have* to settle. You’ve got the goods. Hold out for the guy who lights your fire, too.

  2. portlandsfunnygirl

    I love this article so much, mostly becasue it hits so close to home for me. I was in an 8 year relationship with my high school sweetheart who made me feel exactly the same way. It wasn’t abusive but we changed into other people growing up (as teenagers do) and while he stuck his head ino the sand like an ostridge, I felt hopeless on anyone ever loving me. So I get this completely.
    I really love a few of the blog entries I’ve read so far and definitely subscribing to your blog. 🙂 Feel free to check out mine too if you like, kinda similiar but not nearly as well written. (In my opinion) No offense if you don’t and won’t stop me from continuing to read yours.

    • delightfuleccentric

      Thanks so much for stopping in – I’m glad you could relate, and that you liked my blog enough to subscribe! I’ll definitely check yours out.

  3. I love this song! It has special resonnance for me as well. This song just so happened to pop on the radio after my ex-husband and I decided to reconcile. It did not work. My question is did I try to use emotional CPR on relationship that was already in its death throws? “She lies and says she’s in love with him…can’t find a betterman.”

    Great writing.

    • delightfuleccentric

      Emotional CPR – great term. And something I’m sure rarely works!
      Glad you liked it, and thanks for stopping in and commenting!