How low can you go?

A few months ago I was flipping channels (note: I do not have any premium channels) and my eyes nearly popped out. I flipped back to see if I actually saw what I thought I saw. I blinked a few times. Shut my eyes really tight. Opened them again.

Okay, there. She is wearing a swimsuit. For a minute, I thought she was nekkid. She might as well be, that itty bitty little bikini, flesh-toned, which is why I thought she was nude.

“What in the world am I watching?” Women, in tiny little bikinis, walking a runway. A fashion show? Nope – the Hooters Beauty Pageant.

I admit it – I watched for about 5 minutes, my eyes popping out of my head. I just knew that at any minute, I was going to see parts of a woman that are not suitable for basic cable. The tops, of course, were little triangles, but they weren’t quite to the point of being indecent. It was the bottoms. Using all of about four square inches, between back and front, there wasn’t much to them. Put your fingers up into about a 4”x4” square, imagine it split diagonally and tied together with string. How much do you think that would cover, really? Need a visual?

Well, I would post pictures, but I’m worried about some porn linkage.  Do a search yourself.

Not too long after that, I picked up a couple of new bikinis from Target. I’m usually able to buy a medium string bikini right off the rack without any problem. Since they’re adjustable, the fit isn’t an issue, it’s just coverage, and in the past, mediums have provided adequate coverage.

Not this time. I felt like I should be wearing 6” heels and walking a runway – except, you know, I’m not as insanely hot as those girls.

These bottoms were super low, front and back. Crack showing in back, and…curls…showing in front. And (not to get too graphic) I keep my…curls…trimmed a little lower than the natural…curl…line.

That’s a little low, don’t you think? Seriously, who wears these? Oh, right, Hooters girls. And strippers.  And really really hot girls that can pull it off, which, let’s face it, are few and far between.

A couple of weeks after I watched the Hooters Beauty Pageant, my friend Mr. GeauxGirl told me they had recorded a little bit of this show I had to watch. He said he and his wife were flipping channels one night, and they saw these girls wearing the skimpiest little bikinis known to man. “I saw that!!” I said. “I nearly called you guys to make you watch! It’s like a train wreck!!”

You can see video, if you are so inclined, here.

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