You can get cobwebs down there, you know

Damn it, I’ve been meaning to write a blog post about this for several weeks now, and The Single Filez beat me to it! (She also wrote a post about interracial dating, which I’ve been meaning to write about…it’s like she’s reading my mind….)

I don’t know how many TV shows and movies I’ve watched where, when talking about sex, someone says they haven’t had it in a certain amount of time, and everyone else is shocked that it’s been that long.

Usually, the time period is something like 6 months.

“Oh my god, you haven’t had sex in 6 months? You can get cobwebs down there, you know!”

Really???? 6 months is a long time to go? Jeez, I’ve gone far, far longer than that before. I know I’ve gone over 2 years before, more than once, and I may have broken the three year mark in the past. Now THAT is a long time.  Might even qualify as born again.

Let’s see, it’s been right at 7 months for me this time. Do I want to “dampen the drought?” Well, of course I do. But I, like The Single Filez, have a hard time just jumping in bed with any random guy I meet. Sex means something more to me than just sex. I need an emotional connection.

That’s not to say I haven’t tried the Friends with Benefits angle before. I have. Or, at least, I’ve thought about it and gotten close to it. But when it comes down to it, I just can’t bring myself to do it. It just doesn’t feel right to me. It’s not as satisfactory as it would be with That Someone Special. Because for me, Good Sex isn’t just about (for lack of a better term) scratching that itch. It’s about the emotional release, as well, the endorphin high, and I simply can’t have that with someone I don’t at least care about in a romantic way, even if I don’t actually love that person yet.

The only exception to that, for me, is Sex with an Ex. An ex that you’re still on good terms with, you’re still friends. You know each other, “been there, done that,” but that comfort level is there, the affection. Someone you broke up with simply because you were more “friend-like,” because you loved each other, but you weren’t “in love.”

Of course, that can also backfire. If you’re so friendly you’re more like brother/sister…yeah, not so much. *shudder*

How long is your longest dry spell?

Blog post in Haiku: 

Sexual dry spell: 

When cobwebs start to grow 

in private places.

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13 responses to “You can get cobwebs down there, you know

  1. My longest dry spell? 22 years. Then I got married. Hee hee.

    • delightfuleccentric

      That’s not the same thing – you didn’t know what you were missing! 😉

  2. Well said. TV always over-dramatize everything. Not everyone is looking to hump the next thing that walks by just because some time has pass.

  3. TheSingleFilez

    Thanks for the shout out! It’s since writing that blog post that I’ve discovered there are lots of other lovely single ladies out there ‘going without’ too. At least now I know I’m in good company 🙂

    Oh and I HEART Cougar Town btw x

  4. TheSingleFilez

    PS – I gave this post a shout out on Twitter 🙂

  5. Until my wife and I are separated, I’m not on the proverbial market. And because kids are involved, I’m trying my best to extract myself from this marriage as carefully as I reasonably can in order to preserve as healthy a co-parenting relationship with my soon-to-be-ex as I can manage. So, alas, I can’t comment on the friends-with-benefits phenomenon yet, as it’s been fifteen years or so since I’ve been single, and the rules seem to have changed.

    That said, I’m coming up on three years since the last time.

    Wait a minute. Let me read that again. Three years? Holy crap, how did I manage to stay in this marriage this long?

    Desk, meet head. [wham]

    • delightfuleccentric

      Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have A Winner! Yeah, three years WHILE being in a relationship (because, really, the first two years you weren’t in the midst of separating) truly is…well, I don’t mean to sound rude, and YOU know I don’t mean this the way it sounds, but that’s just sad.

      Don’t lose an eye while banging your head against the desk! (Did you ever see that video, of the stick figure beating his head against the desk and getting all bloody and his eye coming out? Sounds gross, I know, but it’s freaking hysterical!! Must see if I can find it…)

      • I tried the Friends with Benefits a couple years ago after my divorce was final when I had decided that all men would be good for from that day forward was sex with no attachments and possibly baking me a cake every once in a while (I’m sure my therapist would have a field day upon hearing that). But sadly, I’m just not that girl. I had no feelings for the guy other than I didn’t want anything bad to happen to him.. and for me, if there aren’t any feelings involved…I just can’t get into it. So turns out I am a little old-fashioned in that way.. which isn’t great since that means I’ll eventually have to be in a relationship again someday to enjoy good sex. Eeeek!

        • delightfuleccentric

          I’m with you, sweetie! Sex without feelings is simply not for me. Unfortunately… 🙂

  6. i will probabley be alone forever ..nice post though!