Certifiable – Edited Version

I had a bit of a rough weekend. Not sure why.

A year ago I was in Tahoe for my friends wedding. My boyfriend was supposed to be with me, but he had to turn around and fly home because his uncle died. I wouldn’t find out until 6 months later that his uncle hadn’t actually died, and he actually had to fly home because his other girlfriend found out. I still don’t know what she found out – if she found out that he was in Tahoe, or that he was with me. I guess it doesn’t really matter.

A lot of things don’t really matter, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about them, or dwell on them at times.

This weekend was one of those weekends where I didn’t want to do anything. I spent a lot of time staring blankly at the walls, burning my eyes out playing solitaire, or blindly staring at the computer screen. Saturday I did get out, grocery store, used bookstore, took some stuff to Goodwill. Sunday…well, I kept trying to get myself to get up and go somewhere, but I just couldn’t do it. My mind was both numb and active at the same time, shuffling through scenes and conversations.

And…

Well, here’s the part that’s edited out.  I can’t say the rest online, lest someone call the looney bin on me.

Still having a rough time of it today, but don’t call the psych ward on me yet. I’ll be fine. I’ll get out of this funk. I’m just…

Really lonely.

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5 responses to “Certifiable – Edited Version

  1. TheSingleFilez

    This breaks my heart. I’ve never experienced anything like this but that doesn’t mean I can’t empathise. (Not a typo by the way, we Brits use an ‘s’ where you Yanks use a ‘z’ – realise, analyse etc).

    Anyway, hope you’re feeling better 🙂

  2. Hope you’re feeling better. How about a craft night next week?

  3. delightfuleccentric

    I am feeling better. Mostly, at least. 🙂 Thanks, guys! (Sara, craft night next week should definitely be doable.)

  4. Does the crazy thing you can’t talk about here involve a little bit of cyber stalking? Or, oh, driving by his place just because?

    Never mind. Don’t answer. But for what it’s worth, while I haven’t been in your shoes exactly, I did go through a very rough break-up years ago (with the woman I eventually — foolishly — got back together with and married). And from what I’ve read, you’ve handled a much worse situation with a hell of a lot more grace than I ever managed. And you seem to have come a lot farther a lot faster than I did.

    As I deal with my own current situation, these words keep coming to mind: the only way out is through. You already seem to be well on your way. Hang in there.

    • delightfuleccentric

      No, no stalking, cyber or otherwise. But you’re not going to trick me into saying what it actually was! 🙂

      Thanks for the kind words – it was tough, for a while there, to be graceful about it all, when all I wanted to do was make sure every single person he knew knew what a sleaze he was. But that would just make me as bad as him, and we all know I’m a MUCH better person than he is. 😉