Do I LOOK like a gynecologist?

You know those completely innocent comments that end up sounding not-so-innocent?

I was with some friends the other night, and I had a question.

“I’m going to ask this question, and I know it’s going to sound odd, but there’s a reason behind it.”

Everyone paused and looked at me, eyes wide, already half-laughing in apprehension.

“Do you have a speculum-like tool I can use?”

Silence. Then, “I’ll ask. What would you need something like that for?”

“Well, I need to…” Then I thought about the words that were about to come out of my mouth, and how they would make the prior request sound even worse, and I doubled over in laughter. “I need…” Laughter. “I need…” Laughter. “I need…” Laughter.

Finally, after several minutes, I was able to compose myself just slightly. “I need to get a ball inside a rubber hose.”

See, here’s the full story. I bought a Pilates bar, which has stretchy rubber hose-like bands to create tension. Well, me being as short as I am, the bands are too long for me, so I thought I’d cut some of the length off. The bands have balls in the ends of them to stop them from coming off the bar. It seems simple enough to me to simply remove the balls from the bands (which I’ve already done), cut some length off (done), then reinsert the balls. Except, I can’t get the balls back in. So I’m trying to somehow “MacGyver” it.

I have to get the ball into this rubber hose, which requires stretching the hose wide enough to get the ball in, and getting the ball deep enough so it won’t slide back out. (And, WOW, that sounds bad.) Someone came up with the idea of greasing the ball and the hose (lubing it, if you will – might as well go all out), but my thought is, won’t it then just slip out?

Anyone have any thoughts? (Or a speculum-like tool?)

Pilates Bar

This ball needs go inside this rubber hose

So it looks like this

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4 responses to “Do I LOOK like a gynecologist?

  1. Oh wow,….I needed a good laugh this morning. You might be able to use snap-ring plyers or maybe sparkplug plyers. I don’t think I have those but I’ll check.

  2. 12ontheinside

    maybe if you heated the hose. yeah, now that sounds dirty too but I hope you get what I meant!

    • delightfuleccentric

      Yeah, that’s an idea. I might try that out today, see how it works. I’ll let you know!