…and I just threw away a perfectly good cucumber

My eyes are swollen nearly shut.  I used to have some cold ice packs to put on my eyes, but they dried up (because, thankfully, I didn’t have to use them) and I haven’t replaced them.  Even though I’ve needed them several times over the last few months.  Including tonight, which took my by surprise.

The shower is a great place to cry.  You can’t really tell you’re crying, because your face is all wet anyways, and you don’t have to worry about snot getting everywhere.  That’s one of the reasons I keep my shower clean – in case I have to have a good cry.

I started the night fine.  Met a few friends for drinks.  I had three beers, so this break down really wasn’t alcohol related, although I’m sure it provided a pair of crutches. 

And then.

And then my friend, who I love and hate in equal measures, said something that ripped all the nicely healed scabs off my wounds.  I don’t even remember what he said.  But, basically, he said something about playing the field, even though he’s been in a relationship for well over a year now.

 ****

“You People.”  I’ve always hated that phrase, because in my mind, it’s usually said by some small-minded asshole who lumps a larger group of people into some pigeon-hole in his mind, based on race or gender or hair color or creed. 

 “You people.”

****

You people.

You people who go through life hurting others, who think only of yourself and your own gratification and your own happiness. 

You people who don’t have one ounce of concern for other people’s feelings. 

You people who don’t give a rat’s ass about what happens to “the other guy” when you screw him or her.

You people who take and take and take and take.  Take people’s self-worth, and respect, and trust, and love, and piss on it. 

You people.

Do you even consider the pain you cause?

Do you think about how unloved you make these people feel?

How unlovable you make them feel?

How worthless you make them feel?

How much pain you cause?

****

Sliced cucumbers placed over the eyes help with the swelling.  I had a cucumber, but I threw it out.  Just yesterday, as a matter of fact.

If I had only known…

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6 responses to “…and I just threw away a perfectly good cucumber

  1. You are loved by many people. Sorry you had a shitty night.

  2. *love*

    Not the sentiment. But you. (You know whats I’z means dahlin.)

    I have cukes up here for ya. Fresh ones. From sweet old Mr. Owen around the corner.

  3. does eating cold cucumber soup help? i happen to be making some…

    some people are just assholes. truly.

    i hope all the scabs didn’t get ripped off by by this friend and his cluelessness. “you people” is a really small group for the most part. far more people exist that actually care about other people.

    don’t lose faith.

  4. I have noticed, over time, that some of my friends from one period of my life no longer quite… fit. And I can’t keep them in my life any more because what used to be “somebody else’s problem” became a character defect that I could no longer quite get past. Your milage may vary, of course.

    But if you find the distance growing between you and this particular friend, well… I don’t think that distance would be such a bad thing. It may even make room for people who are perhaps a better fit for you.

    Here’s to the good people in your life. You deserve to have good people in your life. And you deserve to be treated well.

  5. delightfuleccentric

    Thanks, everyone. Love you guys, too!

    • True dat, Seattle. Mentally be thankful for what place they held in your life, and then move on.

      Hmm. Kinda like your favorite jeans from highschool that a) no longer fit, b) are worn out and c) if you saw in a store today you’d truly NOT look twice at them, but because they were once special, they’re still in your closet.

      Take a picture. Toss the jeans. Keep the memory.