My eyes are swollen nearly shut. I used to have some cold ice packs to put on my eyes, but they dried up (because, thankfully, I didn’t have to use them) and I haven’t replaced them. Even though I’ve needed them several times over the last few months. Including tonight, which took my by surprise.
The shower is a great place to cry. You can’t really tell you’re crying, because your face is all wet anyways, and you don’t have to worry about snot getting everywhere. That’s one of the reasons I keep my shower clean – in case I have to have a good cry.
I started the night fine. Met a few friends for drinks. I had three beers, so this break down really wasn’t alcohol related, although I’m sure it provided a pair of crutches.
And then my friend, who I love and hate in equal measures, said something that ripped all the nicely healed scabs off my wounds. I don’t even remember what he said. But, basically, he said something about playing the field, even though he’s been in a relationship for well over a year now.
“You People.” I’ve always hated that phrase, because in my mind, it’s usually said by some small-minded asshole who lumps a larger group of people into some pigeon-hole in his mind, based on race or gender or hair color or creed.
You people who go through life hurting others, who think only of yourself and your own gratification and your own happiness.
You people who don’t have one ounce of concern for other people’s feelings.
You people who don’t give a rat’s ass about what happens to “the other guy” when you screw him or her.
You people who take and take and take and take. Take people’s self-worth, and respect, and trust, and love, and piss on it.
Do you even consider the pain you cause?
Do you think about how unloved you make these people feel?
How unlovable you make them feel?
How worthless you make them feel?
How much pain you cause?
Sliced cucumbers placed over the eyes help with the swelling. I had a cucumber, but I threw it out. Just yesterday, as a matter of fact.
If I had only known…