Rejection 101

I have determined that I need to learn how to not worry about hurting other people in the online dating world.

I mean, what do I care if I’m not interested in them, while they are still interested in me? Oh, wait, that’s what makes me a compassionate individual. I actually care about other people’s feelings.

But, really, that’s what online dating is, right? You meet once, twice, and if there’s no spark, no chemistry, you move on. Except that some of these guys are genuinely nice guys, and I feel bad for rejecting them, because there’s nothing wrong with them, and I don’t want them to think there is something wrong with them. It’s a classic case of “I’m just not that into you.”

I feel like I need a class in “Rejection 101.” What is the proper way to reject someone? Simply not responding to phone calls or emails is so immature and rude. But, LORDY!, that conversation is so awkward. “You’re a really nice guy, but…” is so trite. I guess it just goes to show it’s trite for a reason – because it’s a basic truth.

I’ve thought about using the classic “bad date” moves, kind of like “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” Mention the ex…a lot. Talk about your cat…a lot. If I could lie, I might say, “I’m really just working until I find a husband who can support me,” or, “I think I should tell you, before this goes any further…my name used to be Stan.”

I’ve got to figure something out, though, because I keep subjecting myself to third dates with men I’m really not all that excited about. I think they’re great people, we get along really well and can talk for hours, but at the end of the day, it’s really just not there. And isn’t it far worse to go on that date? I’m giving myself entirely too much credit here, I know, but isn’t it worse to lead them on, letting them think that I am interested in them, when I’m not?

I guess the question is, which would guys prefer? Would they prefer “The Rejection Talk,” or would they prefer rejection through silence? Or would they prefer the far more underhanded approach of deciding themselves that they don’t like a girl based on the things she does or says, even if that’s not who she really is? Remember, we’re not talking about a relationship here, we’re talking about the first/second date in an online dating scenario. Which, as I tried to explain to a coworker today, is completely different from meeting someone “in real life.”

Ah, to meet someone the old fashioned way. I’d love that. I’d love to instantly click with someone I run into at the grocery store or at a party or even, god help me, at a bar.

Why can’t things be simple?

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2 responses to “Rejection 101

  1. TheSingleFilez

    This is something I often wonder too. It seems I just can’t win. I get messages from guys annoyed if I don’t reply to them but when I do reply and tell them I’m not interested I get – yes, more annoyed-sounding messages.

    I don’t want to be rude and ignore messages but if I reply, only to make polite chit chat, they think I’m interested when I’m not.

    Let me know if you ever manage to find out if they prefer ‘the rejection talk’ or ‘silence’ the best.

  2. delightfuleccentric

    Actually, of the ones that have responded to my “no thanks” email, they’ve all been very nice and actually thanked me for responding. Of course, those are the ones that haven’t gone any further than that initial match.com contact. It’s the ones that I’ve actually been in communication with that I have a hard time with!