You’ll remember, a few weeks ago, I was quite excited about a certain guy.
You know how when you get your expectations up, and the reality can’t possibly live up to them?
Let’s just say, I am not getting excited about any more dates.
Not that it was a bad date, or that he was not a great guy. It was a nice date, and he was a great guy. We’ve been on a second date, and we’re still communicating via email. But there were no sparks. And I want sparks.
I’ve been on a couple more dates, dates with good men, but there just hasn’t been anything worth writing home about. Any time I mention that I have a date, my friends get excited: “With who? Who’s this guy? What’s he like? Where are you going? What are you doing?”
“NO!” I reply. “No, we are no longer getting excited about any dates.” Because getting excited more often than not leads to disappointment. That goes against my very nature, because I am an eternal optimist. I want to get excited – if I’m not excited, why bother? But at the same time, is it fair to these guys to have this unrealistic expectation going in? Not that said unrealistic expectation is that he’s going to be the man of my dreams and we will instantly fall in love and live happily ever after, but you see what I’m saying.
With The Grad Student (the man I mentioned above), I expected sparks, I expected to really, really like this guy, I expected…more. More than I ended up with, which was just a nice dinner with a nice guy and some good conversation.
So, no more getting excited over dates.
I had a date last Tuesday, New In Town. Very, very sweet guy, and I’ll probably invite him out to dinner club, because he’s new in town and was a super nice guy. But there was nothing there.
I had a date Friday night, we’ll call this guy Boone. I was not excited, it was just a date. I was convince that he was not going to look like his pictures, he lives out of town, it’s not going to be worth anything, yadda yadda, trying to talk myself into unenthusiasm. He called while I was on my way to the place we were meeting to let me know he was already there. He sounded…unsure of himself. I instantly thought, “This isn’t going to be a good date.”
Let me explain that a little bit. I’m a bit on the shy side when it comes to new people. I put on a really great front on dates, I treat them as interviews, I’m ON and outgoing and outspoken. It’s completely different from when I normally meet new people. Usually I’m quiet, and shy, and I don’t know what to say. I don’t do small talk well. But on dates, I do. I can’t really figure out what the difference is, other than the interview analogy. Because of this, I really need (and want) a man who is extroverted, who is kind of a “take charge” kind of guy (without being a complete jerk). A man who will step up to the hostess stand and tell the hostess “table for 2.” (That’s big for me, for some reason. If I’m on a first, second, third date with a guy, and I’m the one asking for the table, it’s a pretty big strike against him in my book. Unfair and silly? Yes. But…)
Anyway, back to the date with Boone. He sounded unsure, so I was worried that this was doomed. I got there, found him, we did this extremely awkward handshake/wave/hug thing, and went to get some wine (we were at this store that sells wine, but then they have glasses and a patio and you can drink it there). Again, he didn’t seem very take charge, and we stood in line, awkwardly chitchatting. We found a table and started talking.
And really hit it off. I felt sparkage. Not full on raging fire-producing sparks, but there was definitely interest. And we ended up talking for over 5 hours. (That’s actually not that unusual for me – even dates where I know right away I’m not interested, I’ve still enjoyed multiple-hour conversations.) So, we’ll see.
But I’m NOT getting excited.