You’ve read Part 1, right?
(Really, read Part 1 first. It’s important.)
(Have you read it? Make sure you do!)
So, something happened between December 29th and December 31st, evidently, to make The Pilot cut off all communication with me, including changing his phone number, without any explanation whatsoever. I wracked my brain to figure out what happened, to make some sense of it all.
We’ve been together for a year and a half. December 21st, things were fine. December 25th, things were fine. December 28th, things were fine. January 1st, things were not fine. What happened?
Did he meet someone else? Did he get back together with his ex girlfriend, the one who cheated on him? Did he decide he didn’t want to be with me? But, then, why wouldn’t he at least tell me something? It’s not like we’ve only been together for a couple of months. After a year and a half, I definitely deserved some sort of explanation, if he didn’t want to be with me anymore.
Did something happen that he was ashamed of, and didn’t feel he could face me? Did he get furloughed? I didn’t see anything online about a furlough.
I had spent the Wednesday before New Year’s at my friend’s house, had he maybe come into town to surprise me, and when I didn’t come home he thought I was cheating on him? But, then, why wouldn’t he call, why wouldn’t he think something had happened to me to keep me from coming home, why wasn’t he worried about me, rather than jumping to conclusions?
Maybe his online poker games weren’t played with fake money, but with real money, and he had a huge gambling debt and was having his house foreclosed on and…
All of these thoughts went through my head, and more. I spent two weeks in a state of confusion, trying to figure out why. I was angry at his lack of respect, not even bothering to tell me anything, angry at his lack of balls, wishing he would fucking grow a set and just tell me something. Anything. I just wanted closure. I was so very hurt, as you can imagine, wondering if he had ever cared about me at all. Because, if you ever truly loved someone, you couldn’t possibly do this to them, leave them in this abyss of emotional turmoil with no resolution. You’ve got to know that the pain of unknowing is worse than the pain of any explanation you might have.
I emailed him repeatedly, but realized that he could have changed his email address as easily as he had changed his phone number. I emailed his friend on facebook again, simply asking why. His response? “Have you talked to [him] about it?”
Ha! That was humorous. I responded that I had tried, with no luck, and all I wanted was an answer. “I’m sorry, I don’t feel it’s my place to say anything.” And he was right, it wasn’t his place. I apologized for even asking. What I wanted to say was, “Your friend is a fucking spineless fuckwad who needs to grow a set and fucking man up.” But I didn’t say that.
I created a fake facebook account and emailed him, begging for an explanation. It’s been over a week, and I haven’t heard back.
It dawned on me, Thursday, that I hadn’t checked the email account associated with this blog in quite some time. Maybe he emailed me there. So I signed on.
And, yeah, I’m going to make you wait to find out what I found. Partly because in telling the story I’m able to disassociate myself from it somewhat, which makes it easier, and the storyteller in me is building up the big ending. But mostly it’s because I still have one more issue left to resolve, and I don’t want to resolve it here. I want to resolve it directly, and that hasn’t been done yet. So, stay tuned for Part 3.