Finding yourself in random pictures online

Come on, we’ve all done it. Admit it. You’ve googled an ex. You may have done it because you still have feelings for them. You may have done it out of curiosity. You may have done it out of boredom. But you’ve done it.

My ex, henceforth to be called MountainMan, actually played a huge role in my life. I can say, without a doubt, that my life would be completely different if it hadn’t been for him. I mean, radically different. Because he’s the reason I moved to Colorado. If I hadn’t moved to Colorado, I wouldn’t have moved to Charlotte. If I hadn’t moved to Charlotte, I would not have the friends I have, or have met The Pilot. I likely wouldn’t have this blog. So, really, I should seek out MountainMan just to thank him.

We didn’t end on bad terms. We just…ended. And after I moved to Charlotte, we lost touch. There were no hard feelings, I don’t think, on either of our sides. Although I was ridiculously unhappy in Denver, and I put a lot of the blame on him, in the end, regardless of anything else, we were not right for each other. Period, end of story. We would never have lasted.

But he was a really great guy, and I learned a lot from him. He was always ready and willing to patiently explain anything to anyone, not in an effort to make himself look smarter, but in an effort to truly better the people around him and impart knowledge. He had his issues, as we all do, but he was always seeing the potential in others.

So, anyway, I was bored, and curious, and googled MountainMan. I’ve tried finding him before with no luck, but…you never know. I ended up running across this report of a hiking trip, in which he was mentioned. The guy who had written it was a friend of his, Cookies, and, lo and behold, Cookies has a website. So I went over to the website, trying to see if I could find out more information.

I found a write up of a hike MountainMan and Cookies went on in 2006, and Cookies mentioned MountainMan’s girlfriend. It kind of stopped me short, which I think is odd. It’s not like I have any sort of romantic feelings for MountainMan, or that I’m jealous. I think it’s just that, in my mind, his life was static. It’s been almost 6 years since we broke up, and almost 5 since I’ve talked to him, so of course he’s moved on – I never really doubted it. But in my head, he was a solo individual. It’s like, when you know a baby until it’s 2, and then you don’t see it again for 6 years – in your head, it’s still 2. But it’s not. That’s kind of how I feel about reading about MountainMan and his girlfriend.

Also while on Cookies’ website, I saw some pictures of MountainMan. There was one of him with a group of people, and suddenly, I realized that I was in that picture. So were three of my friends. I’m looking at this picture, and I’m like, When and Where the hell was this taken??

So, there you go, random photo of me floating around on the web.

I really would love to get back in touch with him, see how he’s doing. I miss his wide-eyed, innocent, patient, down to earth way. He wasn’t always that way with me, but that’s how he is with the general population. Sometimes it just takes taking a step back to see it. When I think of him now, the pain and loneliness I felt is still there, the aversion to certain aspects of his personality are still there, but the fun times, the early days, they make me smile.

I think, in some ways, he made me who I am today.

Advertisements

One response to “Finding yourself in random pictures online

  1. I read this and decided to go look up an old friend that I hadn’t seen since high school. It only took a few seconds of googling to find out that this past June he was ordained as a catholic priest in the Diocese of Charlotte. He’s one of those people that you stop and go “HIM!?” “REALLY!?”