You don’t call, you don’t write…

The Pilot and I had a bit of a tiff last Tuesday. It revolved around the fact that I want to see him more than four hours a week. My point was that I fully understood his schedule, and that he was a very busy person, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to see him more. I understood, for the most part, the inability to see him more, but that didn’t stop me from wanting it. I noted several instances in the last few months when he had a weekend off (which are my regular days off) and he chose not to spend time with me, but to go out of town to visit other people. I said that, since he so rarely has a weekend off, that I would love to spend a weekend with him, since that’s when I’m off, and he got defensive, saying that just a few weeks ago he had the weekend off, and we spent Friday night together, and Sunday evening.Yeah, obviously our idea of “spending the weekend together” is a little different.

Anyway, that was last Tuesday. (I should mention that he was getting sick, and didn’t kiss me in an attempt to not get me sick. That’s just a little note for the next bit.) When he left, it wasn’t a big blow-up, it wasn’t a “Never want to see you again” scenario – it was simply a little tiff. However, I didn’t hear from him the rest of the week. I called several times, but got his voicemail, and it was full. By Saturday, I was pissed. I texted him Saturday evening. “I hope you’re feeling better. I’ve tried calling several times, but your vm is full. Give me a call, please. I’m starting to worry about you.” He texted me back: “I’m fine. Sorry. I need to clean my vm out. Are you okay?” My reply: “Yep. No sniffles or coughing here.” His response: “I’m glad to hear that. What are you up to?” Me: “Rock Band-a-palooza.” Him: “Sounds like fun! Tell everyone I said hello!”

No contact from him Sunday. Or Monday. I called, got voicemail, it was still full. No contact Tuesday. Or Wednesday. At this point, I’ve gone from confused to hurt to pissed and back around again. If you remember, Scottsdale broke up with me by simply not calling me, after four months, so I’m wondering – Is this the new trend? Is The Pilot now breaking up with me by not calling me? After eight freaking months? Is he simply being inconsiderate? Granted, men can be a little dense about things like that, and him even more so because of his schedule, but to this extent? Is he dead in a ditch somewhere? I WANT AN EXPLANATION!

I was completely convinced, by Wednesday night, that yes, he was breaking up with me by not calling me. I was determined to make him tell me directly…if I could ever get him on the phone. My Girls offered up advice and support, and everyone agreed that it was incredibly disrespectful for him not to call me in, at this point, eight days (and, no, I don’t count that text conversations halfway through).

Most of this week, I have fought the urge to call him or email him. I had done enough of that already, and it was time for him to make an effort…except that I really wanted resolution, and if he never called me, I would never get it. Still, I was determined to last as long as I could. I made it to last night.

Sometime yesterday afternoon, it suddenly clicked – I honestly don’t think he simply wouldn’t call me. I think either (a) he’s simply being inconsiderate and a “stupid boy” and not thinking, or (b) he’s dead in a ditch. Or, possibly (c) he or someone in his family had a sudden illness (heart-attack, cancer…) and he didn’t think to call me (refer back to option a) or (d) he had a chance to go back to Scotland, which he’s been wanting to do, and simply didn’t think to call me (refer back to option a).

I know, my mind is very fertile. Welcome to my world.

I resisted until about 6 last night, when I decided to call him one more time. This time, it went straight to voicemail, which it never does, even when he’s flying…and his voicemail is still full. Now I’m really worried – something is wrong, I’m sure of it. I text him: “What is going on with you? Your vm is still full, and your lack of communication is incredibly disrespectful, not to mention hurtful. Are you okay?” I think I did well at communicating both my worry and my irritation.

He called about 10 last night. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. I was out of cell reception for three and a half days, and I’m sorry. All I can do is apologize.”

“What happened?”

“I got a few days off and had the chance to go on a fishing trip with some of the guys.”

“And you didn’t think to call me to tell me?”

“I was going to call you when I got there, but then I didn’t have any cell reception. I’m so sorry. There was no way I could know I wouldn’t have cell reception.”

“Where were you?”

(And here’s the real kicker. See, you thought I gave you the kicker with the whole “had a few days off and went off with the boys, even after our argument that when I have time off I don’t spend it with you”, right? Nope, nope, that was just the prelude. Here’s the kicker): “I was in St Thomas.”

My thought – okay, so while I was freezing my butt off, crying my eyes out and thinking you were dumping me, you were in the FREAKING CARIBBEAN???? AFTER WE HAD THE CONVERSATION ABOUT ME WANTING TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOU ON YOUR DAYS OFF?

Yeah, I’m slightly hot.

“Listen, I know we still need to talk, and I know now’s not the time. I’m at the luggage carousel waiting for my bags. Can we talk tomorrow?”

Sure. Whatever.

Seriously. Whatever.

I should add that other than the lack of communication, there are no other signs that things are not good with us. He still does the hair sniff thing, which is my weakness. He’ll stop by on his way to the airport, even if it’s for only half an hour, because he wants to see me – and while I do live close to the airport, it’s not exactly on his way. But the lack of communication definitely bothers me. I understand busy. I understand stress. I simply don’t understand being so busy you can’t take two minutes to communicate with the woman you’ve been dating for eight months. Or, as a friend so eloquently put it, “Even Obama has time to text people. You’re telling me he’s busier than the leader of the free world?”

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2 responses to “You don’t call, you don’t write…

  1. The Caribbean!

    I agree with the last sentence completely. Do they not have land lines in St. Thomas? He’s a jackass.

  2. Do they not have EMAIL in St. Thomas? Please! That is such a horrible excuse. It sounds to me like he has this notion that even in a relationship, he can do whatever the hell he wants with no consideration for you. honestly, what guy in a great relationship would choose to spend 3 days fishing in St. Thomas with male friends instead of having sex?!