Let’s NOT be friends

I’ve been friends with this person for several years.  I adore this person, we get along great, we can always talk to each other honestly and constructively.  I cannot imagine us not being friends.  But lately, the friendship has been hurting me.  Not because of anything my friend has done, but because of my own expectations.  It’s my own fault, and I know it.  So I think it would be best for me if we simply were no longer friends.

Here’s my dilemma:  I don’t know if that would be the right course of action.  And I don’t know how to go about doing it.  My friend is going through a rough patch personally right now, so I would feel extremely guilty sitting down and having the “let’s not be friends” talk.  So maybe I should just ignore phone calls and emails?  I hate that, seems so passive to me, doesn’t actually let the person know that something is wrong. 

Anyone want to weigh in here, help a girl out?  How do you know it’s time to stop being friends with someone?  And how do you “break up”? 

6 responses to “Let’s NOT be friends

  1. I think breaking up with a friend is WAY harder than breaking up a romantic relationship. It’s more personal. I have only broken up with 2 long-term friends. Both were toxic relationships where they were negative and/or extremely needy. I took the coward way out and just stopped returning calls and emails. It helped that I had moved across the country by this point, but I don’t think there is an easy way to do it. If the friendship is bringing you down or bringing out negative qualities in yourself that you don’t like, then I think you should break up. Otherwise, maybe just take a little breather and see how things go.

  2. Hmmm… the one time I had to break up with a friend was, as Jen said, far more difficult than ending any romantic relationship. Sometimes you just need a break. That break might be a few years, a few months, or forever, but I’d say it would be smart to sit down and have the “let’s take some time away from each other” conversation. Make sure your friend knows that it’s not them, but you.

    I would suggest not waiting. If you don’t do it now, something else will come up, and before you know it, the relationship has degenerated even further.

    Good luck.

  3. There’s no easy solution for this one, I’ve seen some of my friends tear themselves apart because of drugs or alcohol or some other obsession. Its never easy to say good bye to anyone that you have had any caring or concerned feelings about. Trying not to sound too preachy here, I try to default to the bible whenever I’m at a loss like this. The Golden Rule is always a good fall back. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Put yourself in their place and then ask yourself, would it be better for you if someone were to do to you what you are thinking about doing to them. If you honestly feel it wouldn’t be destructive and may be beneficial, then there is no reason not to have a clear conscience.

  4. The bartender

    There are times when you have to make decisions for yourself. That doesn’t make you selfish. When you are hurting in a situation that you can control, you should consider ending it. Is a “painful relationship” the only thing that you think about when you think about this person?

  5. So… how’d it go? What did you end up doing?

  6. delightfuleccentric

    Actually, we’re still friends. I got over my issue. And my friend got through the rough patch.