Who pays? My take-

I’ve mentioned it before, paying on a date, and who should pay, or when I think they should pay.  I’ve discussed it at length with friends, and commented on other people’s experience.  But, since Jen brought it up, I’ll put my opinion here, for the record.

If I meet a man under “normal” circumstances (like, maybe at a bookstore), and he asks me out, I think he should pay.  I will still do “the reach,” but I fully expect him to pay.  When you’re on a dating website, though, I think the rules change.  On a first date, I expect to pay my own way.  If he wants to pay, that’s great, I’ll let him, but I’m not going to expect it.  If he does pay, I will ask him ONCE if he’s sure, then I thank him graciously, and leave it at that.

BTW, when the check came at the Ethiopian restaurant, I pulled my wallet out.  He actually asked me, “Do you mind if I get this?”  I thought it was very sweet, that he asked in that way.  I hear stories about women who get all offended if men are actually chivalrous, which really ticks me off.  These women need to realize that women’s lib does not mean that when a man is chivalrous, he’s treating you as less of a person.  If anything, as Lyle Lovett says, “it’s perhaps an acknowledgement of women as the stronger sex.”


2 responses to “Who pays? My take-

  1. Ah, very interesting. In my single days – which only lasted through college, the guy always paid. I didn’t even attempt to reach for it. But I also had a month grocery budget of $50, so I didn’t feel badly about that.
    It bothers me, too when women don’t want a guy to be chivalrous – opening doors, etc. My favorite and one I find is not done often enough, is men standing when a woman leaves the table. I love that one.

  2. Hmmm… I’ll admit that I pretty much skipped dating when I was younger. I went straight from making eyes across textbooks to girlfriend/boyfriend. And now that I’m older and totally ready to date, I haven’t met anyone that I’m remotely interested in. So, I guess the jury is out on chivalry. I think opening doors (men & women) is just polite. The standing when a woman leaves would probably just freak me out. And I think I’d be fine with a guy paying, although I would offer.

    Women’s liberation movement is so incredibly confused. It was supposed to be about equal pay, and understanding that caring for a family IS a full time job, if not two, and about fair treatment in the work place. And somehow, bras got burned (I can barely afford bras cuz they’re so expensive and they got BURNED!) and basic chivalry is considered rude and degrading and sexist…

    *sigh* Now, it’s hard to find a nice guy with manners. It’s like we trained them to be complete assholes.