I am a glutton for punishment.
Or maybe I’m insane, with the whole “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” issue.
My match subscription hasn’t run out yet. I haven’t been on since around Thanksgiving, because…well, I just couldn’t take it. But, last night, I thought, “What the heck.”
This guy had recently winked at me. I looked over his profile, thought he sounded intelligent, then I saw that one of his favorite authors is the author of one of my favorite books.
My email (paraphrased): I was impressed to see that you like [author]. I haven’t read her most popular books, but I love [book title]. I like what I read in your profile, and that your list of things you like to do is endless. I like to do a lot of different things in my spare time, and couldn’t possibly narrow it down to one or two things that I do all the time. So tell me more about yourself. There are some blank spots in your profile – trying to be mysterious, or do you have something to hide?
Okay, let’s go over the fine points here, shall we? I specifically mentioned something in his profile that we have in common, thus indicating the I read the profile. I shared a little bit about me. And I asked him an open-ended question.
His response (paraphrased): Yeah, I like [author] a lot. Her writing is really deep and sometimes it takes a while to understand her true meaning. I’m new to match and still working on my profile. I think everyone is more exciting and mysterious inside than in the material world.
Hm. Let me see if I can point out what bothers me most about this. Could it be that he expressed absolutely no interest in getting to know me better? At this point, I see him expressing no interest, and there seems to be nothing more to interest me.
I’ve used different sets of rules with online dating in the past. At one point, I would talk to anyone who emailed me, and go out with anyone who asked, my philosophy being that people are so much more than their online persona, and just because I may not find their photos attractive or they may seem boring/snobby/whatever on email, there may be some kind of spark when we actually meet. In the past, I would have emailed this guy back, tried to keep the conversation going, tried to learn more about him.
This time? Screw that. Strike One, you’re out. I’m not wasting my time. Boring profile? Out. Boring email? Out. Incoherent email full of misspelling and bad grammar? Out. (A few is fine. More than one per sentence is not.) You have a photo up where you look like a big honkin’ redneck or like you’re “compensating” for something or you have your shirt off for no other reason than you’re trying to show how hot you are? Out. I am so done with this crap.
Now I just have to figure out how to respond to this guy without sounding like a complete b*tch. Because what I want to write is, “Well, since all you can manage is four sentences in response to my three paragraph email, and you ask no questions about me, it’s quite obvious you have no personality and/or you’re not interested in getting to know more about me, so have a nice life.”
How about, “Hm, that’s nice. You sound like a very deep person – so deep you don’t give a sh*t about anyone else. Since you’re new, let me give you a tip – ask a girl about herself. It helps let her know you’re interested. No questions=no interest, and with that in mind, I’m not longer interested in getting to know you further. Best of luck!”
Or, “Wow, I can feel the overwhelming interest you have in me across the email synapses! I know you’re dying to know about what kind of music I like or what my cat’s name is or what my favorite sushi restaurant is, but I guess you want to make sure we remain more mysterious than that. You know the thing about mysteries? They’re meant to be solved! But, rest assured, you won’t be solving this one – I will forever remain a mystery. Buh-bye.”