The Toilet Paper Roll

Growing up, I hated changing out the toilet paper roll.  I would place a new roll on the counter, or on the back of the toilet, and leave the empty roll on the holder.  For as long as possible.  Until my mother yelled at me for the umpteenth time to change the roll.  Even as a young adult, I had problems changing the roll – I usually did it every other roll.

When I bought my condo, it didn’t have a toilet paper holder (I think the lady before me had a free-standing holder that she took with her).  So (I think it was actually the very first “home improvement” thing I did), I went out and bought a toilet paper roll holder.  A hook, one that doesn’t have a spring, that all you do is slip the old one off and slip the new one on.  And ever since then, I make my mom proud by changing out the empty toilet paper roll immediately.

One day last week, I was at The Pilot’s house, and I went to the bathroom.  And there, sitting on the counter, was a half empty roll of toilet paper, and on the holder – an empty roll.  I sighed as I changed the roll out – Men! 

And then I sighed again, and wondered at what point I had become my mother.

Feet aren’t supposed to cry!

It’s been 14 months since I hurt my knee.  The MRI showed no damage.  Six weeks of physical therapy didn’t help. Rest hasn’t helped.  I know the problem lies with the tendon on the lower outside part of my knee, so I’ve been wearing a band below my knee when I walk.  I can do about 2.5 miles without a problem, but then it starts getting weak, loose, and painful.  Running is quite obviously out.  Walking without the band is not good.

After doing some research online, I began to wonder if maybe the problem was with my toe.  The “ring finger” toe on my right foot curls under the middle toe, and I thought maybe I had broken it at one point in time, and it didn’t heal properly.  It doesn’t hurt, but seems to have less strength in that area than on the other foot.  I decided to see a podiatrist and see what his thoughts were.

I told the podiatrist why I was in (knee pain, wondering if the toe is the problem), and he took a look.  He said it was really nothing (I won’t go into the boring details) and had nothing to do with the knee pain. 

And I broke down in tears.  Even I didn’t know how frustrated I’ve been with this whole thing.  I have a problem, it’s had a huge impact on my life, I can’t do activities I normally would have done, and no one can solve the problem or even tell me what’s wrong.  It’s really, really frustrating. 

I tried to control my tears, and apologized to the podiatrist.  “I’m sorry, it’s just that I’ve been to the doctor, I’ve had an MRI, I’ve had 6 weeks of physical therapy, and nothing has helped.  I just really hoped that this would be a solution.”  I could tell my tears were not something he expected, and he didn’t quite know how to react.  “The body is really good at healing itself, and if you just give it time…”  “It’s been over a year,” I said.

That got a reaction out of him.  “How long?”  He asked about the MRI, verifying that they had found nothing wrong.  He had me stand up, and looked at my legs.

My right thigh rotates inward.  My left leg is straight, but the right thigh kind of “points” to my left knee, but my right calf is straight.  When I roll my foot out, to the right, the thigh straightens.  So, he thinks maybe some Orthotics (custom shoe inserts) will help correct the alignment of my leg.  Which will take the pressure off the joint.  Which will stop the pain.

So…through tears, hope. 

I just hope it works.

(I felt so bad for crying in there.  I walked out just shaking my head – I couldn’t believe I broke down like that!  But, like I said, it’s been more frustrating than even I was aware of.)

I think my body is revolting

Not revolting as in “ew, gross,” – although, it’s heading that way.  Revolting as in my body is The Colonies to my British rule.

(Warning – this may go into TMI territory – you’ve been warned.)

I have been on Mirena for three and a half years.  I love it - I can’t say enough about how great it is.  The first year I was on it, I barely had a period – I had maybe 3 very light periods.  After the first year, I got a regular cycle.  Every 28 days, on the dot.  It lasted about 3 days, and was incredibly light.

Then, about 5 months ago, my cycle became wonky.  It’s irregular.  I never know when it will start.  Over that time I’ve also gained entirely too much weight.  (And, dear friends, if you say any of those god-awful platitudes, I swear I will strip down naked and prove it to you.) 

Of course, last October my pap smear didn’t go well, and I’ve been having to go back every three months for a biopsy on the cells.  They haven’t found cervical cancer, and this last time they actually think my body is trying to heal itself.  But I wonder if that has anything to do with the irregular cycle and the weight gain.

Or maybe it’s a thyroid issue.  But I hate blaming my weight on something like that, and I hate taking medication for anything.  I don’t really believe in taking medication to fix a problem, because I think it should be solved the same way it happened – naturally.  (Says the girl who pops excedrin at the first sign of a headache.)  I’m not holistic or anything like that by any means – quite the opposite, in fact.  I just think that Americans are over-medicated, and I don’t want to be a part of it. 

So I’m going to keep track of everything I eat and every exercise I do for a couple of weeks, via www.fitday.com.  And then, if things haven’t improved on the weight issue, I’m going to the doctor.

“Approach love and cooking with equal abandon”

So, I have this friend.  My friend is completely in love with his girlfriend, and she…kind of likes him.  And he’s really upset about it, and doesn’t know what to do.  And it got me thinking about another friend, who’s been engaged for several years, who often laments that “it sucks being the one who loves the most.”  Because you’re the one who ends up hurt.

I’ve been on both sides of the coin in the past.  It’s such a hard balancing act, really, in a “new” relationship.  You have to open yourself up, but you’re so incredibly scared of getting hurt, so you pull back.  And often, pulling back is what does you in. 

I know.  Been there, done that.

So the best advice I can offer my friend is, to quote The Dalai Lama, “Approach love and cooking with equal abandon.”  That’s what I always try to remember.  Sometimes it’s hard to remember.

Busy Bee

A friend and I were exchanging emails today, and I mentioned that I had been pretty busy lately, and especially this week.  She said, “You’re always busy.  It’s one of the things I really admire about you:  you stay active mentally and physically.”  And it took be by surprise, even though it’s not the first time someone has said that I’m a busy person.  I seem to remember a Facebook update in which I wondered how much more I could get done each day if I had insomnia, to which one of my friend’s responded, “How much more do you need to get done?!  You’re the busiest person I know.”

What’s funny is, I don’t see myself that way.  I actually see myself as being a very lazy person, and I am constantly telling myself that I should get out and do more, meet more people.  I spend plenty of time sitting around on the couch, watching TV – I spend many a weekend (in the colder months) in my pj’s, not leaving my house from 5pm Friday to 8am Monday.

When I got my friend’s email today, I kind of giggled, and turned to a co-worker. “People always think I’m so busy, but I’m not.”  She looked at me like I was crazy.  “Are you kidding?!  You’re the busiest person I know!”  But not really, I replied, I spend a lot of time on the couch being lazy.  “But you do a lot of things.  You’ve got the book club, and the cooking club, and the dinner club, and the networking groups, and you have the side businesses…”

Hmm.  Well, when you put it that way, I guess I am pretty busy.  But most of my “clubs” only meet once a month, so those other days, I’m not really busy.  And when I’ve been on the couch every night for four days, I start to think, “God, I’m lazy, I need to be doing something.”  And then I’ll go look for something to do.  And I’m always trying to get other people to do things with me – with mixed results. 

So, let’s take a look at my calendar for March and April, shall we?  At least, what I actually have written down (does not include random dates with The Pilot – I tend to only write those down when I’m having a busy week, like this week is)…

• March 1-6 – nada
• March 7 – Kayaking
• March 8-10 – nothing
• March 11 – Dinner Club
• March 12-20 – nothing
• March 21 – Cooking Club
• March 22-23 nothing
• March 24 – Post Secret Event
• March 25 – Bookclub
• March 26-27 – Nothing
• March 28 – set trail for running club
• March 29-30 – nothing
• March 31 – HOA meeting
• April 1-3 – nothing
• April 4-6 – out of town
• April 7 – nothing
• April 8 – dinner club
• April 9-13 – nothing (painted over the weekend)
• April 13 – Dinner and Flying Saucer with The Pilot and friend
• April 14 – meet with tax accountant
• April 15 – baseball game, glass nite at The Saucer
• April 16 – out on the boat
• April 17-19 – nothing (painted)
• April 20 – Networking event
• April 21 – Meet with friend to discuss business
• April 22 – Dinner with The Pilot
• April 23 – Networking event
• April 24 – nothing
• April 25 – Volunteer for ALS walk, Friend’s wedding
• April 26 – meet with potential client
• April 27 – nothing
• April 28 – food and wine tasting
• April 29 – book club
• April 30 – nothing

 So, am I busy, or not?  Or (and I don’t intend for this to sound offensive, just trying to be funny) are my friends just lazy couch potatoes?    I mean, more than half the time I was sitting at home, watching TV, although I did also volunteer to go through some scholarship applications over the last couple of weeks, and of course I tried to work on my side businesses. 

I think the biggest thing is that I’m not married, and I don’t have kids.  With The Pilot being out of town so much, I have a lot of time to myself.  I occasionally have a week like this week, which is going to make me want to collapse on the couch and veg for a day or two, but most of my weeks are not overly busy.  So I try to stay active.

Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to MEEE, Happy Birthday to Me.

I’ve had a great couple of days.  I took yesterday and today off.  Yesterday The Pilot and I went to the minor league ball game – it was a gorgeous day, we had hot dogs and popcorn and beer…and all while the rest of the world was at work.  It was fabulous. 

Of course, The Pilot gets that kind of thing all the time, lucky dog.  He’s often off during a weekday and gets to do “his thing” while everyone else is at work.  I just got lucky enough to participate yesterday.

I’m going to get a massage in a little bit – I think that will be a custom in the future, a  birthday massage. 

And then Happy Hour on The Boat.  So…yeah, good birthday!

Search Engines

My default search engine is google.  Has been for years.  I have a friend who is all about MS, and has tried selling me on Live Search is better.  But I’ve never had much luck at finding what I need on Live Search, whereas with google, I can always find what I need, usually on the first page.  I tried cuil when it came out - and didn’t like it.  I use ask.com every once in a while.  And I remember when yahoo and dogpile and lycos were The Shit.  But google has a special place in my heart.

As an experiment, I decided to use several search engines to find my blog.  My dashboard shows that I get several hits off the search term “delightful eccentric,” so I was curious as to what search engines they might be using.  Ironically, I had to google “search engines” to find additional ones (and even more ironically, dogpile is at the top of the page, whereas google is actually the 10th down), and here are my results:

• www.google.com:  1st hit (which also means I’m the “I’m feeling lucky” winner)
• www.cuil.com:  not on the first page (although, I still haven’t figured cuil out, and don’t want to – are there additional pages, or is that one page IT?)
• www.live.com:  not on the first page
• www.yahoo.com:  1st hit
• www.dogpile.com:  1st hit
• www.altavista.com:  1st hit
• www.ask.com:  1st hit
• www.lycos.com:  1st hit
• www.webcrawler.com:  2nd hit
• www.alltheweb.com:  1st hit

What Is a Man?

I stumbled across this post this morning and got a bit of a giggle out of it.  Some thoughts:

• “That’s why Mark McGwire is not a man.”  Hee!
• I’ve never been told that my wrist is “thrilling.”  In fact, I don’t think anyone has ever mentioned noticing my wrists.  Or the crease of my knee.  I may have gotten a shoulder mention, though.
• “A man gets the door.  Without thinking.”  Amen to that! 

It reminded me of another article I read last summer and got a kick out of:  75 Skills Every Man Should Master.  Although, I don’t know that every man should be able to “understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.”  Maybe it’s because I am NOT a science person, but…huh?

Funny thing – I really did “stumble” across that first article (it was on the Yahoo home page), and it really did remind me of the second article, but both were written by Tom Chiarella for Esquire.  Makes me want to see what else he’s written.

• The Lazy Man’s Product Guide  Including OneDerWear, the “single-use skivvies” that “provide as much comfort and support as wearing a hair net around your nut sack.”  (I’ll let you read about the Slightest Touch erotic stimulator yourself.)
• How to Talk to Her Father  “…in those early meetings, he is Mr. Miyagi and you are Ralph Macchio.  Get humble real quick, Danielsan.”
• How to Treat a Nipple  “At the nipple, you power up or you rest or you work your ass off to compensate.”

He also has some great articles (check out Influence, or The Need-to-Know Basis), and I’ve heard his interview with Halle Berry was particularly good.

Looking for more?  Go to www.esquire.comand search for “Tom Chiarella.”

1234

I woke up with a headache this morning – not so unusual for me, unfortunately.  (No I was not hung over, I didn’t have anything to drink last night, TYVM.)  Anyway, I got up, drank some water, popped some Excedrin, and sat up on the couch in the dark, as that’s the only way it’s going to go away – years of experience has taught me this. 

But the entire time, this song was stuck in my head:

And all I really know is the chorus (and not that well, as it turns out), so for two hours I sang “There’s only one way to say those three words for yoooooooouuuuuuuu, I love you.”  And that’s it, because that’s all I really know.  For two hours.  The same line.  For two hours.  (I still have a headache, but I had to get up because I was getting sick of that one line.)

I always thought this song sounded like it should have been on the Juno soundtrack.

Damage Control

I’m a redhead.  I’m an Aries.  Both of those lead people to believe I have a temper, but I don’t think I do.

And then, something makes me fly off the handle, and I realize just how much of a temper I have.

The thing is, most things I push to the side, bury, whatever, but then there’s one little thing that sets me off, and I’m a raging lunatic.  And I hate it.  The only control I exhibit is that I only give half the story – as in yesterday’s example.  I get my emotions out on paper (so to speak), but I’m cognizant enough to not say anything about anyone in particular – which I realize now may lead to confusion.

There is a certain group of people at work.  They treat everyone else like personal secretaries.  When they submit paperwork and something is missing, I question it.  They want me to fix it for them.  Or they want it to not mean anything.  (As in, “This clause in the contract states that we will name our first born child after them,” to which they might respond, “Oh, yeah, that’s nothing, it’s not important, it doesn’t mean anything,” to which I respond, “It’s a written legal binding contract, of course it matters,” to which they respond, “No, really, just pretend it’s not there.”)  When you ask them if they did their job, they respond that yes, they did, they told me to do it.  (As in, “The client would like to talk to you about the contract they signed with you,” to which they respond, “Can you call them to discuss it?”)  If they want a report done, they expect you to drop everything and do it right now, even though that other thing they asked you to work on is important, too, and must be done right away.  (“Which do you want done first, the report or the contract?”  Their response:  “I need them both back ASAP.  Can you do that within the hour?”)  When they know I’m calling yet again to get the information I’ve requested 3 times already, they manage to avoid my call and not call me back for three days, but if they call me needing something, they are upset if I don’t answer the phone on the first ring.  (“I’ve tried calling you three times within the last hour!”  My response: “Yes, I was on my lunch hour.”)  When it comes down to the wire, the only thing that motivates them is getting everything in by month end, so they can get paid – never mind that they had all month to get it in.  And then, of course, I have to work extra to get it done in time, now that they’ve left it to the last minute. 

I know I’m not the only one to deal with this – almost everyone in the business world deals with it.  I get that.  And most of the time I just sigh and accept it as being “just the way it is.”  But by not fighting it, I’m allowing it to happen, and thus, cannot complain about it.  So I put up a fight, and inevitably I lose the battle.  And it makes me not fight next time, or the next, or the next, because I will never win.  And then something pushes me over the edge and I lose it all over again.

Does this apply to other aspects of my life?  Yes, of course it does. 

I’m quite sure I’ve said this before, but one of the things I love the most about blogging is that it makes you realize you are not alone.  I know in the past I’ve stumbled across blogs written by strangers that have hit a mark with me, that speak to me, because they were going through the same things I was going through, and I was not alone.  I learned from them.  And I would like to hope that there’s someone out there who will feel the same about my blog.  That they will stumble across my last post and think, “Hey, wow, she’s right.  She’s probably a teacher just like me and has issues with her students respecting her.  I need to work harder to make them respect me, or else I deserve their disrespect.”  Or, “Huh, she must be a waitress like me, and her boss is an inconsiderate jerk – she feels just like I feel!” 

The storm has blown over.  Obviously, I’m calmer now – or maybe I’ve been beaten down again.  Whatever.  It doesn’t negate what I was feeling yesterday.  But I do realize that my temper is something I need to try to control.  Being a redhead does not excuse it.

Funny side note (funny-hmmm, not necessarily funny-ha-ha) – when I was younger, I was a shy, quiet blonde.  Over the years, my hair has turned red.  I’ve thought I had just become more outspoken and opinionated due to age, but maybe it really is because of my hair color.  Who knows.